26 July 2009
Today I am answering viewers mail, which consists of the only person who reads my blog.
Guess I missed something here. Glad it seems to help you focus.?
Who suggested, and then prescribed, Ritalin for you???
The suggestion came from multiple sources, one from Phoenix months ago, Marie, and others. They all seemed to think I had ADHD, and should look into treatment. I just figured it was me, and went along for the ride. I finally scheduled a meeting with a shrink, and discussed it, and she agreed I suffer from ADHD and prescribed the Ritalin??How long have you been on it? How often is it monitored???
I have been on it since Thursday, and people I see often have already noted a HUGE difference in me. I have noticed I am much more social talking to random people, actually having conversations as opposed to grunts.. I also have this huge desire to hang out with people, asking people to do things, if they want to hang out, talk, which I would never normally have done. I will be writing a blog this week about the past weekend which will show MANY instances where I would have been afraid, uncomfortable, too insecure to have taken part in the past. With the medication all these instances turned out being great experiences either simply talking to people or experiencing life as opposed to watching from the sidelines.
In terms of monitoring, I meet with the doctor in two months (provided I am having no issues requiring earlier counsel) and after that it will be once a year phone call or meeting.
This has truly been life changing for me, it literally feels as though a switch was turned on where previously I lived in darkness. Again, I will explain better later in the week.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
John loves his drugs
24 July 2009
Like the title says, I love my Ritalin, how I never went before is beyond me. When I was a kid Ritalin was the craze everyone was put on it as some sort of attempt to control children. I abstained in some sort of rebellion, not quite but partly due to laziness, partly due to my will to be “stronger” I never went to the doctor. I have always gone with the notion that at some point in the not to distant pass people did not rush to doctors every time something was not right, and the human race managed to survive. I finally thought I would go, and wish I had much sooner.
True this is only the second day, but work again was great, I actually focus and remember all those little steps I usually forget. My project is coming out great, and though I seem to be moving faster it is in a more controlled deliberate manner. I spend less time killing time and staring at the clock, and more time getting things done, life is good.
Another random effect of the drug which I am not 100% sure is the drug or a bi-product of the drug but its easier to talk to random people. I started chatting up a random woman at the bus stop today which I would never normally. While walking the dog I got into conversations with random people for no reason, it seems that it has lowered my self conscienceness or maybe boosts my self confidence, not sure but it is a good thing.
Probation meeting
Today I had my PO meeting which was super fast, and almost too easy. Went in with a ton of paper work, my monthly report which was perfect no missed classes, no violations, all good. I thought I would hit an issue with the Ritalin, but she copied my paperwork and said fine. I am sure my next meeting she will ask why my UA was positive for Meth, but I will just have to remind her of my prescription, I also got my BA’s lowered to 8 a month (from 12) which is not a big deal, but its a step in the right direction.
Like the title says, I love my Ritalin, how I never went before is beyond me. When I was a kid Ritalin was the craze everyone was put on it as some sort of attempt to control children. I abstained in some sort of rebellion, not quite but partly due to laziness, partly due to my will to be “stronger” I never went to the doctor. I have always gone with the notion that at some point in the not to distant pass people did not rush to doctors every time something was not right, and the human race managed to survive. I finally thought I would go, and wish I had much sooner.
True this is only the second day, but work again was great, I actually focus and remember all those little steps I usually forget. My project is coming out great, and though I seem to be moving faster it is in a more controlled deliberate manner. I spend less time killing time and staring at the clock, and more time getting things done, life is good.
Another random effect of the drug which I am not 100% sure is the drug or a bi-product of the drug but its easier to talk to random people. I started chatting up a random woman at the bus stop today which I would never normally. While walking the dog I got into conversations with random people for no reason, it seems that it has lowered my self conscienceness or maybe boosts my self confidence, not sure but it is a good thing.
Probation meeting
Today I had my PO meeting which was super fast, and almost too easy. Went in with a ton of paper work, my monthly report which was perfect no missed classes, no violations, all good. I thought I would hit an issue with the Ritalin, but she copied my paperwork and said fine. I am sure my next meeting she will ask why my UA was positive for Meth, but I will just have to remind her of my prescription, I also got my BA’s lowered to 8 a month (from 12) which is not a big deal, but its a step in the right direction.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
John is on drugs
23 July 2009
Lovers of the movie “Office Space” will remember while in the hypnotists office the main character mentions that every day is the worst day of his life, and every time you see him, you are seeing him on the worst day of his life. I have actually felt this way for much of my life, with boughts of happiness thrown in.
Recently I was out with a friend and I asked how would they spend their ideal day off, and they explained what they would do etc. Afterwards they turned the question asking what was your best day. I started thinking and i feel that every day is the best day. I actually feel as though each day is slightly “better” than the previous, which is not to say that I have not had a bad day. Recently even the bad days are not that bad, time passes and really the only bad part of the day is work..
I enjoy my work, but not the company. The guys I work with are great, but the mentality of the management, and the lack of communication I have issues with. I find out everything via the rumor mill, as does everyone.. Instead of sitting people down, and saying “we are slowing down” and discussing why, or how to reverse or new ideas, they write a note on a board by the clock saying “No overtime, no exceptions”.
i have always enjoyed the design process, creating, studying, and coming up with cool designs that function well. The furniture projects that have come through are all turned into kitchen cabinets with legs attached. Night stands weight 100 pounds and have huge 3“ legs looking like they are offspring of a brontosaurus more than a well crafted piece of furniture. This has also brought me to the conclusion I need to get into design which, I have no clue how to do, meaning the transition. At my present company it would never happen, so I am thinking I might go to school, and take some drafting classes because though I can draw full scale furniture on paper, we were never taught how to use Auto cad or any computerized drafting.
John is on drugs
Ritalin to be exact. I finally called the doctors, and after completing a questionnaire of theirs asking a multitude of questions I received a phone call, to set up an appointment. I met with the doctor yesterday, and after talking for 45 minutes she prescribed medication. The strange part is she gives a little speech about how meth (Ritalin) is a controlled substance so getting the prescription filled is a process. Then basically tells me to figure out my own dosage. I am clearly over simplifying it, but try a pill, and then try two, and try 2 etc. After a week call or email her telling her want I found works, and she will submit a prescription to those directions. In two months I meet back with her to make sure everything is alright no issues with side effects etc, and then a yearly phone call to make sure all is well.
The first day...
It is really too early to tell, I had a great day at work, did not notice any really effects. I noticed I am a bit more diligent, not talking to people as much. I am not sure how much of that is truly the drugs or me just having a good day, or placebo effect, time will tell. The drugs are slightly helping since I can actually type and listen to music at the same time, which I have not been able to do in a few years. Its strange but the music would distract me enough to not be able to finish any thoughts. I would have to turn the music off and write the email or blog.
I have to wonder...
Today I was walking Jazmine the wonder mutt and there is a police officer on a bike writing a ticket to two homeless folks drinking from a paper sack. I was perplexed because he watched them finish it up (while he is writing the ticket) and makes one of them put the empty bottle in a dumpster, and hands them the ticket for open alcohol container. They have no ID’s, and no address’ explain the thought process of writing the ticket please.
Lovers of the movie “Office Space” will remember while in the hypnotists office the main character mentions that every day is the worst day of his life, and every time you see him, you are seeing him on the worst day of his life. I have actually felt this way for much of my life, with boughts of happiness thrown in.
Recently I was out with a friend and I asked how would they spend their ideal day off, and they explained what they would do etc. Afterwards they turned the question asking what was your best day. I started thinking and i feel that every day is the best day. I actually feel as though each day is slightly “better” than the previous, which is not to say that I have not had a bad day. Recently even the bad days are not that bad, time passes and really the only bad part of the day is work..
I enjoy my work, but not the company. The guys I work with are great, but the mentality of the management, and the lack of communication I have issues with. I find out everything via the rumor mill, as does everyone.. Instead of sitting people down, and saying “we are slowing down” and discussing why, or how to reverse or new ideas, they write a note on a board by the clock saying “No overtime, no exceptions”.
i have always enjoyed the design process, creating, studying, and coming up with cool designs that function well. The furniture projects that have come through are all turned into kitchen cabinets with legs attached. Night stands weight 100 pounds and have huge 3“ legs looking like they are offspring of a brontosaurus more than a well crafted piece of furniture. This has also brought me to the conclusion I need to get into design which, I have no clue how to do, meaning the transition. At my present company it would never happen, so I am thinking I might go to school, and take some drafting classes because though I can draw full scale furniture on paper, we were never taught how to use Auto cad or any computerized drafting.
John is on drugs
Ritalin to be exact. I finally called the doctors, and after completing a questionnaire of theirs asking a multitude of questions I received a phone call, to set up an appointment. I met with the doctor yesterday, and after talking for 45 minutes she prescribed medication. The strange part is she gives a little speech about how meth (Ritalin) is a controlled substance so getting the prescription filled is a process. Then basically tells me to figure out my own dosage. I am clearly over simplifying it, but try a pill, and then try two, and try 2 etc. After a week call or email her telling her want I found works, and she will submit a prescription to those directions. In two months I meet back with her to make sure everything is alright no issues with side effects etc, and then a yearly phone call to make sure all is well.
The first day...
It is really too early to tell, I had a great day at work, did not notice any really effects. I noticed I am a bit more diligent, not talking to people as much. I am not sure how much of that is truly the drugs or me just having a good day, or placebo effect, time will tell. The drugs are slightly helping since I can actually type and listen to music at the same time, which I have not been able to do in a few years. Its strange but the music would distract me enough to not be able to finish any thoughts. I would have to turn the music off and write the email or blog.
I have to wonder...
Today I was walking Jazmine the wonder mutt and there is a police officer on a bike writing a ticket to two homeless folks drinking from a paper sack. I was perplexed because he watched them finish it up (while he is writing the ticket) and makes one of them put the empty bottle in a dumpster, and hands them the ticket for open alcohol container. They have no ID’s, and no address’ explain the thought process of writing the ticket please.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
and down the rabbit hole I tumble
11 July 2009
Stuff to do...
I used to wonder why girls I dated always had things going on, this night this, that night that, meanwhile I was always available. I realized it these past few weeks... sobriety. Their lives suck so they keep themselves really busy. I always had my 2 full time jobs to keep me busy, but one of them I could do things while on the job. On an average week I would spend a minimum of 30 hours drinking, meaning drink 3 was clocking in, until I passed out or consciously choosing to go to bed.
All this free time has given me plenty of time to think, and well find the end of the internet... yes folks there is an end, and its not pretty. The end is when you literally have to conjure up absurd things to google for no other reason than cheap laughs. We have all been there at some point but after 30 nights you truly reach the end. This got me into thinking what the F*CK am I going to do with this free time? I started jogging mostly for Jazmine who I can never wear out. I also take her to the dog park, which now she actually crashes with a goofy smile as opposed to sleeping due to boredom more than exhaustion.
Activities:
1. Indoor Soccer: I looked into a month or so ago, and decided that it wasn’t for me. I have always been drawn to soccer but I am beyond helpless, I stink to put it very lightly. I was kicking a ball around a few weeks ago, and standing 10 feet from someone no running involved had trouble doing a decent pass, birds were laughing at e saying “look at the foolish white boy”. All this said why not? Like with everything else in life, we all pretty much suck until we put some energy into pursuing it, very few are given an uncanny natural ability without some work. I guess its a bit of the old dog new tricks, as though at 31 I should stick with what I know, which has always been drinking.
I have been in contact with a place and should start playing in the beginners league come October, which should be a lot of fun. This also gives me some time to learn how to play again. Plus a little practice time kicking a ball might be in order.
2. Lacrosse: I played for a few years back in high school and college , and actually had some great skills towards than end of my time at Norwich. Again throwing aside the fact I am too old, I am going to give it another try. I have been looking into both for sometime, and both basically work the same way, and you can play all year long, in a number of leagues. I actually could have played tomorrow if I had gear, but all I have are a few ticks back in MA which the old man is mailing to me this week. I might be able to play next weekend. Once I get the sticks I am going to have to spend sometime throwing the ball against the wall again, I am 17 again.
3. Fly fishing: I tried when I was in high school, never had any luck, but with all the rivers, and streams at my disposal here in Colorado I would be crazy not to give it another try. Plus with how my work schedule is I get out at 1-2 p.m. going and fishing for a few hours in the heat of the day seems like fun. Plus who knows maybe can catch myself something to cook.
It could have been me
I co-worker got fired, and the story is very poignant for me on multiple levels. To begin with, I am likely to get laid off soon unless things pick up at work. I was the last one hired so I will be the first one fired. More so is apparently the story is (I do not know any concrete facts... its all heresy) that after living in a halfway house for a year he got out, and went on a bender only to be heard from a week and a half later from the hospital. I knew a bit of his legal troubles, and knew he was in a half way house. While living there you can not drink (BA’s every time you come in from the outside world) and you have to keep a job. What I did not know is he used to come to work drunk, fallen down drunk, walking into stationary objects drunk, empty 5th found in his bag drunk.
He was a good guy, I knew none of his drinking problem until recently. With his being let go, it lets me stay for longer which is good but still feel for the guy. Also makes me think, I have never been to the point of skipping work to drink, or drinking at work. When I was younger I drank at work, it was a restaurant, and well the boss drank with us, and being 18 it seemed awesome. I would never have now, or at previous jobs in the last 10 years, BUT who is to say I was not just a nudge away from that point?
Stuff to do...
I used to wonder why girls I dated always had things going on, this night this, that night that, meanwhile I was always available. I realized it these past few weeks... sobriety. Their lives suck so they keep themselves really busy. I always had my 2 full time jobs to keep me busy, but one of them I could do things while on the job. On an average week I would spend a minimum of 30 hours drinking, meaning drink 3 was clocking in, until I passed out or consciously choosing to go to bed.
All this free time has given me plenty of time to think, and well find the end of the internet... yes folks there is an end, and its not pretty. The end is when you literally have to conjure up absurd things to google for no other reason than cheap laughs. We have all been there at some point but after 30 nights you truly reach the end. This got me into thinking what the F*CK am I going to do with this free time? I started jogging mostly for Jazmine who I can never wear out. I also take her to the dog park, which now she actually crashes with a goofy smile as opposed to sleeping due to boredom more than exhaustion.
Activities:
1. Indoor Soccer: I looked into a month or so ago, and decided that it wasn’t for me. I have always been drawn to soccer but I am beyond helpless, I stink to put it very lightly. I was kicking a ball around a few weeks ago, and standing 10 feet from someone no running involved had trouble doing a decent pass, birds were laughing at e saying “look at the foolish white boy”. All this said why not? Like with everything else in life, we all pretty much suck until we put some energy into pursuing it, very few are given an uncanny natural ability without some work. I guess its a bit of the old dog new tricks, as though at 31 I should stick with what I know, which has always been drinking.
I have been in contact with a place and should start playing in the beginners league come October, which should be a lot of fun. This also gives me some time to learn how to play again. Plus a little practice time kicking a ball might be in order.
2. Lacrosse: I played for a few years back in high school and college , and actually had some great skills towards than end of my time at Norwich. Again throwing aside the fact I am too old, I am going to give it another try. I have been looking into both for sometime, and both basically work the same way, and you can play all year long, in a number of leagues. I actually could have played tomorrow if I had gear, but all I have are a few ticks back in MA which the old man is mailing to me this week. I might be able to play next weekend. Once I get the sticks I am going to have to spend sometime throwing the ball against the wall again, I am 17 again.
3. Fly fishing: I tried when I was in high school, never had any luck, but with all the rivers, and streams at my disposal here in Colorado I would be crazy not to give it another try. Plus with how my work schedule is I get out at 1-2 p.m. going and fishing for a few hours in the heat of the day seems like fun. Plus who knows maybe can catch myself something to cook.
It could have been me
I co-worker got fired, and the story is very poignant for me on multiple levels. To begin with, I am likely to get laid off soon unless things pick up at work. I was the last one hired so I will be the first one fired. More so is apparently the story is (I do not know any concrete facts... its all heresy) that after living in a halfway house for a year he got out, and went on a bender only to be heard from a week and a half later from the hospital. I knew a bit of his legal troubles, and knew he was in a half way house. While living there you can not drink (BA’s every time you come in from the outside world) and you have to keep a job. What I did not know is he used to come to work drunk, fallen down drunk, walking into stationary objects drunk, empty 5th found in his bag drunk.
He was a good guy, I knew none of his drinking problem until recently. With his being let go, it lets me stay for longer which is good but still feel for the guy. Also makes me think, I have never been to the point of skipping work to drink, or drinking at work. When I was younger I drank at work, it was a restaurant, and well the boss drank with us, and being 18 it seemed awesome. I would never have now, or at previous jobs in the last 10 years, BUT who is to say I was not just a nudge away from that point?
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
MS 150, and the weekend news
2 July 2009
The ride
I have gone through my life never really feeling any connection to my surroundings. I spent nearly 30 years in MA, of all the people I met I keep in contact with 10(?) have had 2 visitors (this includes family) these are not statistics of a popular or well loved individual. Colorado has been much of the same which I have grown to enjoy. In the past couple of years I have had times where my social calender was full, and I had plans everyday. These tend to be short stints because friendship takes energy, and it tough to find people willing to put in the effort, or are worth the effort. This is why I want to thank everyone who helped make the ride possible either through contributions, emails wishing me luck or watching Mrs. Nuegeburger.
Well, I ended up making it to the ride, and completed it without incident. The distance I was never concerned about, but I managed to find myself in some snappy pace lines and riding 22+ mph for the vast majority of the ride, this was the surprise. The ride was very well run, plenty of food, excellent weather, and great support. Overall I rode 193+ miles in the two days, with an average speed of just under 20 mph. I met some great people and began to recognize who is great in my life here in Denver. It is amazing to see who steps up when you need help be it either in contributions or watching the dog.
Random note
I was hooking up with a girl a few months back and she taught me that its not the quantity its the quality. She still texts me though we haven’t seen each other in well over a month. She does not text with purpose, or reason, she texts to here herself “talk”. I will not respond, she stills texts, she does not ask if i got the previous text or if I am there. She also re-enforced something I had learned previously, the more a woman talks about sex (prior to having it with you) the worse she is in bed. How can a woman be bad in bed you might ask? If you have to ask you are A) a woman B) terrible, sorry t break the news to you.
Slush Puppies
I have loved Slush Puppies since I was a kid, I remember walking across the park to Edmund’s to get them when I was young. In high school I went to the Exxon station and would get 2, one for now and one for the fridge for later. Colorado with its many short comings has yet another, they do not have the drink of the gods, and no one knows what it is, which is just sad. I have been looking online and have come to a revelation I need to buy a Slush Puppie machine, attach it to my bike, and drive around town selling the sweet sweet nectar to the sad souls of Colorado. This is the latest variation of the ice cream bike idea I had a month ago, this equally brilliant, or maybe even better. All I know is on a hot Saturday after noon riding the bike to the top of Lookout mountain and setting up shop I would make a killing! I want to get a midget on board to serve them as a ride, A) to help facilitate sales while traveling through downtown B) midgets are awesome! The midget would serve much like the monkey of the peanut vendors of old, only cooler.
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