One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.
To celebrate the passing of Michael Jackson I thought some truly tasteless jokes were n order, and with the wonders of the internet here are the top 8 jokes 30 seconds of time and google can come up with... enjoy.
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date? A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? A: Because there are twenty of them.
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect “10″? A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A: From a catalogue.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?? A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs? A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q: Did you know they’re putting out a Michael Jackson stamp? A: Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.
Q: What’s brown and often found in a baby’s diaper? A: Michael Jackson’s hand.
25 June 2009
I don’t know why but the passing of MJ goes by like anyones death... better them than me. I just find it strange that here is a man who played the judicial system better than OJ and people are sad he died? I was never a fan of his music, though I do recall doing the one glove thing at some point. Honestly though he bought his way through the system, and molested children, and people are somber and sad to see his passing? If only Hitler had come out with a few top 40 hits before the genocide of an entire race maybe Naziism would have survived. I think people really are happy to see him dead, and are afraid to say anything because it is wrong to be happy at ones demise. People die thats what we do, it may be tomorrow or 40 years from now, but at some point we will all be worm food, except for Christians because don’t they put their caskets in concrete? They will just dry rot. The amazing thing is MJ died at 50 and Mick Jagger is like 120 and still alive, now there is a dude who is cheating death. My new theory is Mick Jagger offered death Ed, Farrah, and MJ to let him live another year... go ahead try to prove me wrong.
Those of you who know my old man, his is a gentle soul, but I remember one time I think I was 16? we were eating dinner and I posed the question if you could kill 1 person and get away with it, no investigation nothing, just one freebie with no repercussions who would it be? I thought my father would do the grown up, that is a terrible thing to think about etc. No, he says ”I only get one?“. These days I don’t have the hate I did back then, I think I would have trouble finding one person who I hated to such an extent... maybe I have matured?
In class this week we were discussing how one deals with stress. When it came to me, I don’t stress about anything, because I really don’t care. The discussion went into when I was in jail, and some people complained they hated it due to all that ran through their minds was what the ”should“ have done, and I would be lying if I said I did not thin maybe a cab would have been a good idea. The fact of the matter, is you can’t change the past, you can learn from it, but we all screw up... and I screw up A LOT. I figure at this point why stress, and this is my lesson to all of you. Don’t stress the small stuff tomorrow is another day, life has a habit of passing us by so why waste it worrying?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
An adult life
24 June 2009
Sadly my life has become just this, being an adult. I should probably say it more as amazingly though it is a touch disappointing. I have been doing all those things you have have been doing for years and years, paying bills, cleaning, laundry and basically maintaining you life in a decent fashion. This is all new for me, and though has only been going on for a month it is already boring to me. It seems the disarray, chaos then surrounded my life during my drinking days somehow filled a void, or made me feel as though my life was busy, or exciting when it was not. Without that confusion, the sad reality has shone itself quite vividly.
I have been cooking and cleaning, paying bills on time, working, and being responsible. I somewhat feel like I deserved a prize for doing what I was unable to do at any other point in my life, but yet all of you have done since the age of 18. While the I suppose I do feel better sober, the vacancy where drinking once occupied is more pronounced and like a black hole beginning to crush me.
I have 1000 good things which have resulted from quitting drinking, but yet sometimes I feel like I am just spinning my wheels waiting to die. I think I am having a mid-life crisis.
The gang of gays
I live near Cheesman Park which has always been explained to me as the “gay” park. Google it, I did in an effort to figure out the length of the walk around the park, and found many links discussing the guys who sit in their cars in the park.
Everyday while walking Jazmine I bump into this gang of gay homeless men who seem to walk all around. T date I have been called “darling” delicious“ ”sexy“ ”edible“ and the list continues. I just fin the notion of a tribe of gay men roaming the streets sort of weird. I am thinking of the classic film ”The Warriors“ with the gangs of NY and how they all have their own uniform. I think this gang needs a uniform to go fight the Bloods and Crips. Imagine a gang of men in bright pink leotards brandishing baseball bats, it would be great, and formidable. I think the local chapter of geriatric Guardian Angels would have their hands full.
I was in fact amazed to find that the local Guardian Angel office is around the corner, I see them walking the neighborhood on the weekends and its like watching rerun. Who joins? Who even knew they still existed? This day in age what do they do? Its a neighborhood watch with a bad sense of style.
The MS Ride
Is apparently in a couple of days, I forgot about it, and actually thought t was the end of July, but no its this Saturday. If anyone wants to make last minute donations here is a link http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/COCBikeEvents?px=6518078&pg=personal&fr_id=10973.
I was supposed to have a date this weekend, and I texted to cancel with the excuse I have a bike ride I forgot about seemed really really weak, sad, maybe I should have called.
Sadly my life has become just this, being an adult. I should probably say it more as amazingly though it is a touch disappointing. I have been doing all those things you have have been doing for years and years, paying bills, cleaning, laundry and basically maintaining you life in a decent fashion. This is all new for me, and though has only been going on for a month it is already boring to me. It seems the disarray, chaos then surrounded my life during my drinking days somehow filled a void, or made me feel as though my life was busy, or exciting when it was not. Without that confusion, the sad reality has shone itself quite vividly.
I have been cooking and cleaning, paying bills on time, working, and being responsible. I somewhat feel like I deserved a prize for doing what I was unable to do at any other point in my life, but yet all of you have done since the age of 18. While the I suppose I do feel better sober, the vacancy where drinking once occupied is more pronounced and like a black hole beginning to crush me.
I have 1000 good things which have resulted from quitting drinking, but yet sometimes I feel like I am just spinning my wheels waiting to die. I think I am having a mid-life crisis.
The gang of gays
I live near Cheesman Park which has always been explained to me as the “gay” park. Google it, I did in an effort to figure out the length of the walk around the park, and found many links discussing the guys who sit in their cars in the park.
Everyday while walking Jazmine I bump into this gang of gay homeless men who seem to walk all around. T date I have been called “darling” delicious“ ”sexy“ ”edible“ and the list continues. I just fin the notion of a tribe of gay men roaming the streets sort of weird. I am thinking of the classic film ”The Warriors“ with the gangs of NY and how they all have their own uniform. I think this gang needs a uniform to go fight the Bloods and Crips. Imagine a gang of men in bright pink leotards brandishing baseball bats, it would be great, and formidable. I think the local chapter of geriatric Guardian Angels would have their hands full.
I was in fact amazed to find that the local Guardian Angel office is around the corner, I see them walking the neighborhood on the weekends and its like watching rerun. Who joins? Who even knew they still existed? This day in age what do they do? Its a neighborhood watch with a bad sense of style.
The MS Ride
Is apparently in a couple of days, I forgot about it, and actually thought t was the end of July, but no its this Saturday. If anyone wants to make last minute donations here is a link http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/COCBikeEvents?px=6518078&pg=personal&fr_id=10973.
I was supposed to have a date this weekend, and I texted to cancel with the excuse I have a bike ride I forgot about seemed really really weak, sad, maybe I should have called.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I would like to buy a block of cheese...
9 June 2009
I would like to buy a block of cheese.... No, no, you walk down the street and you say Hey man, What’s happen’
Those of you who are fans of Good Morning Vietnam are scoffing at how badly I destroyed that scene, the rest are bewildered at best. In the scene Robin Williams takes over an English class to get closer to a girl. I felt like one of these students last week.
As part of my sentence I have to attend “Relapse Prevention” class, and last week we were learning how to speak with out the aid of drugs or alcohol. We were literally learning to talk “text book” here is an example.
Normal Conversation:
Person A: The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.
Person B: Dude, there is no genius in 3 assholes running a bar, and being stupid.
Text book talk:
Person A: “The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.”
Person B: “If I understand you correctly, you think the show is brilliant because it makes fun of everything including racism and religion. Is this correct?“
Person A: ”Yes this is what I said“
Person B: ”I disagree, would you care to hear my reasoning?“
I want to kick my own ass for having to sit through that class, and yes folks I pay for this enlightenment. Who talks like that? Being socially retarded maybe I do not know much about conversing, but I have never heard anyone talk in such a manner. This includes those idiots on Dawson’s Creek who speak like an unnamed friend in Africa (cough).
Moving
I have decided once I am off probation which could be as soon as January, but more likely September 2010 I am going to cash in the ”Joy of being single“ card. Yes, I am moving to no where in particular.... why? because I can! I nearly moved prior to my arrest but decided to give Denver a try, but now looking back to the notion. Here are my top thoughts, so I would be interested in what people might vote. Also, if you have info on moving abroad, in terms of visa etc... I am clueless. I went and worked in Ireland illegal, but this time around would need to do it legit.
Places (in no particular order)
*Philadelphia, PA (It is always sunny there)
*NYC (It seems like a place that one should live before dying)
Portland, OR (Just seems cool, and heard good things)
Chicago IL (why not?)
*Italy (Bikes, and chicks is there any other reason to wake up in the morning OH YEAH ESPRESSO!)
*Belgium (Bikes, and Beer... need I say more?)
*Germany (Beer, and some amazing world history)
Japan (Yes, I would bring down the IQ per capita but come on!)
Chile (Amazing whitewater, and mtn biking)
The ones with the handy * are ones where I figure finding work will not be too difficult, I know of quite a few furniture makers in Philly, and NY, Germany, and Belgium are hunches. Considering I change my mind nearly every second who knows where I will be in December, but I have no reason to stay in Denver, or the US for that matter. Anyone know anything about shipping the world’s greatest dog overseas?
I would like to buy a block of cheese.... No, no, you walk down the street and you say Hey man, What’s happen’
Those of you who are fans of Good Morning Vietnam are scoffing at how badly I destroyed that scene, the rest are bewildered at best. In the scene Robin Williams takes over an English class to get closer to a girl. I felt like one of these students last week.
As part of my sentence I have to attend “Relapse Prevention” class, and last week we were learning how to speak with out the aid of drugs or alcohol. We were literally learning to talk “text book” here is an example.
Normal Conversation:
Person A: The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.
Person B: Dude, there is no genius in 3 assholes running a bar, and being stupid.
Text book talk:
Person A: “The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.”
Person B: “If I understand you correctly, you think the show is brilliant because it makes fun of everything including racism and religion. Is this correct?“
Person A: ”Yes this is what I said“
Person B: ”I disagree, would you care to hear my reasoning?“
I want to kick my own ass for having to sit through that class, and yes folks I pay for this enlightenment. Who talks like that? Being socially retarded maybe I do not know much about conversing, but I have never heard anyone talk in such a manner. This includes those idiots on Dawson’s Creek who speak like an unnamed friend in Africa (cough).
Moving
I have decided once I am off probation which could be as soon as January, but more likely September 2010 I am going to cash in the ”Joy of being single“ card. Yes, I am moving to no where in particular.... why? because I can! I nearly moved prior to my arrest but decided to give Denver a try, but now looking back to the notion. Here are my top thoughts, so I would be interested in what people might vote. Also, if you have info on moving abroad, in terms of visa etc... I am clueless. I went and worked in Ireland illegal, but this time around would need to do it legit.
Places (in no particular order)
*Philadelphia, PA (It is always sunny there)
*NYC (It seems like a place that one should live before dying)
Portland, OR (Just seems cool, and heard good things)
Chicago IL (why not?)
*Italy (Bikes, and chicks is there any other reason to wake up in the morning OH YEAH ESPRESSO!)
*Belgium (Bikes, and Beer... need I say more?)
*Germany (Beer, and some amazing world history)
Japan (Yes, I would bring down the IQ per capita but come on!)
Chile (Amazing whitewater, and mtn biking)
The ones with the handy * are ones where I figure finding work will not be too difficult, I know of quite a few furniture makers in Philly, and NY, Germany, and Belgium are hunches. Considering I change my mind nearly every second who knows where I will be in December, but I have no reason to stay in Denver, or the US for that matter. Anyone know anything about shipping the world’s greatest dog overseas?
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Hours to days, days to weeks...
6 May 2009
A ride
I went for a ride with a friend today who races, which felt good. I was dead afterwards, but considering he trains, and has a coach, Meanwhile I hardly ride I was able to keep up, and make him struggle a bit, made me feel as though maybe racing isn’t such a bad idea after all. I am looking to do a training race Thursday which should be interesting, we will see how I manage.
Sobriety
Well I am nearing the 2 month marker ok Thursday (the day of the race) will be two months. I haven’t really had any desire to drink, well none to which I have come close to cracking. I get urges every now and again, but luckily I am easily distracted and forget about them shortly.
Work
Work is going very well, and though it is slowing down, it looks as though we have work until october, then it seems a touch sketchy. Apparently people are a little hesitant on building multi-million dollar vacation homes as of late (go figure) come fall, I might find myself out of a job, since I am the last person hired. time will tell.
The midnight wrap up
That about sums it all up. Time keeps ticking away as it does, and now its June! I did not have to go for BA’s everyday this week which was great, and saves me some money. I have actually been sticking to my budget, which means I actually have money in the bank. Looking back through my records it seems I just spent a lot of little things. A few dollars here, and there not huge things and nothing “extravagant” just maybe a stop at Starbucks etc, and they all add up. That and dating, dating is expensive reason 1001 why I am turning celibate.
A ride
I went for a ride with a friend today who races, which felt good. I was dead afterwards, but considering he trains, and has a coach, Meanwhile I hardly ride I was able to keep up, and make him struggle a bit, made me feel as though maybe racing isn’t such a bad idea after all. I am looking to do a training race Thursday which should be interesting, we will see how I manage.
Sobriety
Well I am nearing the 2 month marker ok Thursday (the day of the race) will be two months. I haven’t really had any desire to drink, well none to which I have come close to cracking. I get urges every now and again, but luckily I am easily distracted and forget about them shortly.
Work
Work is going very well, and though it is slowing down, it looks as though we have work until october, then it seems a touch sketchy. Apparently people are a little hesitant on building multi-million dollar vacation homes as of late (go figure) come fall, I might find myself out of a job, since I am the last person hired. time will tell.
The midnight wrap up
That about sums it all up. Time keeps ticking away as it does, and now its June! I did not have to go for BA’s everyday this week which was great, and saves me some money. I have actually been sticking to my budget, which means I actually have money in the bank. Looking back through my records it seems I just spent a lot of little things. A few dollars here, and there not huge things and nothing “extravagant” just maybe a stop at Starbucks etc, and they all add up. That and dating, dating is expensive reason 1001 why I am turning celibate.
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