A week, and a day

25 April 2009

Saturday
To start it off, I am still sober so that is 2 weeks now, and have had a few times where I wanted to drink but overall have been doing well.  Overall I feel great though, finally feeling things clicking, work is not as miserable as before though still feel I need a change.  I don’t have a ton of energy, but think that is more a reaction to going to the gym regularly, and riding more.  

I got home last night, and was trashed, just tired and ready for bed at 3 p..m..  I ended up sleeping 10 hours, and was still dragging in the morning but went to the gym for 90 minutes.  I got home went for some breakfast, and hoped on the bike before I gave myself a reason not too.  Which 40 degree drizzle might constitute a reason to some, but not me.

I took Larry out for the first real ride in a year or so which was interesting.  I went for a 45 mile ride which is the longest in sometime, so instead of doing an easy 40 I went out to Golden and went up Lookout Mountain.  It was a great ride though it was raining on the mountain, and cold by the time I hit the bottom I was freezing.  On my ride home something strange happened which is strangely a common occurrence when I do a real ride.  I think its bonking to an exponential degree.  I get super dizzy, feel nauseous, and well like I am completely drunk.  This has happened a lot to me, I think its from not eating enough, but no mater what I try it always seems to happen, feel like I need a trailer of food behind me to keep it from happening.  I managed to make it home safely, and have since been relaxing, since i have little energy, but I love it.

Reflections
It was amazing getting home and after 4+ hours of exercising today it hit me what I would have been doing 3 weeks ago... pissing my day/life away.  I used to spend my weekends drinking all day, with periods of “naps”.  It is amazing t think how much of my life has been spent drinking myself to death, which no one can really understand unless you have been there.  Most people when getting ready to leave work think about meeting friends or errands etc my first thought was drinking, and the weekend was a blur of drunks with bought’s of passing out, needless to say Monday came soon, and had nothing to show for the 48 hours of freedom except some bad gas, and glazed eyes.  

The past few weekends go by faster, but I remember them, and there is something worth remembering from the weekend.  I now look forward to the weekends with dreams of bike rides, and seeing friends not destroying my liver and laying on the couch.

Hoops
I have been jumping the hoops of probation have been blowing daily, and going to classes in the hopes this will be over soon.  Overall I think getting busted was well inevitable, and a good thing though I wish it took logic and reason to teach me the same lesson, but clearly that does not work in my head.  

I have been trying to figure out my grand scheme which I am still a bit lost about where I see myself .  I am here in Colorado until September 2010 regardless, and I am not sure if I am going to stay when the time comes.  I do love Colorado, but just feel like I wasted too much of my life, and there is so much to see.  I am thinking about the military again, I could travel the world, visit, and learn of other cultures, and destroy them....  I suppose I have sometime to think about that...