The long, and the short of "Marie"

15 February 2009

I remember in high school I used to write a lot, and listened to Henry
Rollins entirely too much. I would stay up until all hours writing
and drinking Slush puppies, do they still have those? Senior year
rolls around and through some turn of events I started dating this
girl who i had actually been eyeing for year, but being well socially
awkward I could never make a move. I forget how we even started
dating because clearly I am in capable of asking out a girl at 31, at
18 that was not going to happen.

We ended up having a short lived pseudo relationship in which as with
today I jumped into with both feet, and thus ruining it. I used to
write her poems and stories which her mom would also read. They both
thought I was a genius, not quite. Hell I was 18 angry at the world
and listened to Rollins 24/7 I had issues. We ended up breaking up
why I am not completely sure, but it was high school relationships
were short lived with tons of drama, We still ended up going to the
prom which was miserable. I was even more anti social back in those
days how I clearly I could not go and have a good time, I had to revel
in my one misery. After that we never really talked, and I graduated
and went to Georgia for AIT.

Toward the end of my time in AIT I decided to call her, why I am not
sure. Not even sure how I knew her number but it was 1996, back
before the age of being born with a cell phone, and ipod. People
remembered phones numbers, and directions, and walked around with c.d.
players. I remember calling and she says "what would ever possess you
to call me" clearly our break up made some sort of impact on her, ha ha.

We talked, and things worked themselves out, and made plans to meet
the night I was returning to MA. I was so excited, I remember the
final days of AIT you have a TON of paperwork to do, tons, and tons it
is the military after all. There was a chance we were not going to
get out on time due to not being able to get something signed. I was
freaking out because I could not wait to see her. Everything worked
out, I got my flight to MA, and I went over her place to watch a movie.

This will amaze you all, we were sitting on the couch and all I wanted
to do was make out but being 18 (or 31 for that matter) I was too
scared to make a move. we talked I went home and the courtship began
again. I do recall bringing her flowers that night, funny how I still
do that 13 years later, and with the same results, ha ha. I kept
writing her letters, but I was out of high school waiting to start
college in the spring, while she was finishing starting her senior
year. So it was tougher to see her, which brought me to stalking her,
not quite but i was young, stupid, and in love.

I remember one day giving her Karen Finleys "Shock Treatment" for her
to read thinking she would enjoy the book. I gave her the book some
flowers, and somethings I had written. I called her and I got quickly
disposed of, apparently her mother thumbed through the book which mind
you was well graphic, angry and sexual. I was 18 young and in love,
this book made sense as a gift at the time I swear it did. Her mom
forbid us from seeing each other, and her from talking to me

One night I went to school with my sister, and used the library well
she was in a study group I came home, went to my room and I here my
father ask me to come down to talk. I knew instinctively I was in
trouble but for what? I start running things through my mind, but can
not figure out why I am in trouble. I come into the room, and ask
what's up.

Dad: "The cops stopped by earlier"
Now I am freaking out because, cops are never good news. At a mile a
minute I am trying to figure out why the cops were looking for me, but
still come to a blank.

Dad: "So, that girl you were talking to, you can't talk to her
anymore. Her parents are worried and are threatening a restraining
order."
After a long talk about the law and so forth, the nail is in the
coffin, and I never see her, life moves forward.

As the years pass I hear a little from time to time about her. I
still thought of her, back then I was a hopeless romantic, today I am
just hopeless. She was my first love, and always had a spot in my
heart.

The other night I was on facebook, and I happen to see she commented
on a friends posting, and I also comment thinking maybe she will
notice me and start a dialogue, still worried well the cops would be
knocking on my door. My plan totally worked, we emailed each other
she is married, 2 kids living in MA. This would be a happy ending to
a story of lost love, stalking, and slush puppies but yet it has only
begun.

We have been talking the last few days, and its like old times again
talk for hours joke around. Filling in each other about the past 13
years, jobs and so forth. I told her I was in jail for having a meth
lab, to soften the blow of being in jail for a DUI. "Marie" is cool
with that and things have been going great, aside from the fact I have
been pining over her for 13 years. People who know me well that my
head works fast i get really revved up, and can't just look around and
take things slow. Imagine my head after 13 years of longing.... its
not pretty. Think of the 80's comic Gallagher crushing the
watermelon, sort of like that only in slow motion. This clearly can
not be something good for my head, hell I am a mess, now this? I so
need a shrink!