Da Prince

Early October 2007

 As the anniversary passes I think back about the funny story that is my piercing.  I intend to keep this story as G rated as possible.

 Sometime around 2004 I got the notion of getting a Prince Albert piercing done.  For those who do not know what it is I suggest google, and be aware it will be graphic.  I did some research and read up on the procedure, aftercare etc.  I looked into a few other piercings but, kept returning to the prince.  At the time I was with "Jill", who was not very receptive of the idea, and she quickly vetoed the notion.  Plus with my friend out of commission for a month, it seemed like too much punishment for myself.   Time passed, I was single and started thinking about the piercing again, did more research etc.  At this point was when I first got my road bike, and well I was not willing to sacrifice the recuperation time, since I was going to be the next Lance Armstrong I couldn’t take time from training.  Soon there after came “Dixie” who would rather I chop it off then put a piece of metal through it.

 Last October I had just got a promotion meaning more money, company phone, etc and I was once again single.  It was time to celebrate so I do the research over again, and look into places in CO to get the piercing done. I decide on the place, and email the company, asking to set up an appointment, 2 days without a response.  I call and I am told I need to talk to a certain person who is not in, they will call me.  2 more days pass and nothing, I call again get through and set up the appointment for a week later, during this time I started seeing someone which I was not going to let her conflict, so I did not mention it to her. 

 That fateful Sunday, I hung out with the girl and then excused myself to go to an “appointment”.  It was a rare rainy afternoon in Boulder when I walk to the piercing and tattoo pallor.  Walking in and telling the person behind the counter I was getting a Prince Albert felt a bit odd in front of a mother and daughter team who were waiting to get tattoos.  I fill out some paperwork, and I am lead to the piercing room which look just like a doctors office setting. This makes me feel as though I am in good hands, combined with the information she was a registered nurse I was comfortable. 

 The woman who is to perform the piercing breaks out the tools, and jewelry etc, and at this point I start feeling a little nervous.  She was great at making small talk etc; but that much sharp stainless steel started freaking me out a bit.  She goes over things, and then starts a quick 2 minute video which shows someone getting pierced.  It was designed to be an instructional video, though a little rough around the edges it cleared up a ton of questions.

 Like most men, I somewhat live in fear of the little fella. He sometimes acts according to his own ideas, and come on, what guy has not worried about this tid bit of information when heading into a massage?  Myself I fear 3 things when I head into a massage 1)snoring (been there done that, and have accepted it) 2) passing gas (not 100% I have but playing the odds I am sure I have) 3) Mini me taking the sensual massage as something entirely different (this I have not had happen but still worry).  Heading into getting the piercing obviously this was weighing in as a possible issue. 

 Just a heads up, the actual procedure is described, so not for the weak of stomach.

 After the video, she asks if I have any questions and mine is just “How bad does this hurt?”  She says most men describe it as a 6/7 out of 10, which I figure is good to hear.  Luckily not a creature was stirring as I dropped my pants, and we get started.  This first step is lubing, and inserting a hollow metal tube into your urethra.  This does not hurt but watching someone do it to you well gets the heart pumping, and works well to start freaking you out. The tube is inserted so when the needle goes through the tip of the needle enters the tube, protecting from accidently poking all sorts of holes in your urethra.

 Now, I have never had my ears pierced, but I believe that’s a one push, tinge of pain and its over with, like a band aid.  This is well not so much a quick band aid situation.  I am thankful for going to yoga quite a bit in my life because this is a little more involved, and well breathing makes it bearable.  It’s a three push process so its basically three stabs each being more painful till finally the needle enters the tube, and well everything feels a lot better.  The tube is removed, and your hoop jewelry is used to push the needle out while putting itself in its place. Then the hoop is in essence closed with a metal bead, it is friction fit, so pliers are used to get the hoop sprung a bit. Yes, having pliers in that general area not so cool. 

 Afterwards, we go over aftercare, which is pretty basic, keep it clean, sea salt fishing etc. I pick up some vitamins hoping to help the process go a little quicker, and off I go home.  Now, as I left I felt pretty bad ass, and feel I am cooler than every other dude on Pearl St right?

 When I get home, I do the cleaning etc, and have a few beers before going to bed.  I awake around 4 am, and recognize I am soaked, in my general pubic area.  My first thought “holy shit, I wet the bed!”  I jump up and turn on the lights to find that in fact I did not wet the bed.  Instead I have my period!  Now, I will never be able to know what a woman goes through during this time of the month, but this is the closest I think a man can come to understanding.  It was 4 days before I did not have to affix some sort of bandage around the wound, and yes I did stain 2 pairs of pants. I also destroyed a set of sheets, a mattress cover, pajama pants and a duvet cover. 

 As the piercing heals I run into a second issue, due to some questionable choices I get an infection.  I did the proper cleaning etc, but just jumped the guy in other areas.  I now have to call my doctor, and get antibiotics.  Calling your doctor, and explaining you got a body piercing and it is infected is not bad until they ask, where you got pierced.  I am on the phone with what sounds like a 40 year old woman, mentioning I got my penis pierced, and it is now infected which felt a little weird.   It was weirder when I go for my appointment and a cute Asian girl is weighing me, blood pressure etc, and she asks me why I came in today.  Then comes the doctor, I drop my pants he looks at it and says “yep, it’s infected”.   Yeah no duh! Hence why I called saying I had an infection.  I am not great at diagnosing things but this one I was pretty sure abut.  I then get my drugs, and it has been happy sailing ever since. 

 I have had it for a year now, and still love it.  I am just glad it does not set off metal detectors I a not sure how you go about proving its not a dangerous weapon.  The other issue is I have to sit when I pee, unless there is a urinal, because like putting your thumb over the end of a hose, you lose your accuracy.