This must be just like living in paradise

29/30 November 2008

 I awoke late Saturday morning and figured I would take the day off.  I was planning on working, but since I am at the mercy of people with keys to the shop, it was not worth going at 1030, since they were likely leaving at noon.  Instead I went to the new place to blow, and got that set up, which is much closer than the previous place. Riding through downtown was cool since there was no traffic, so one way signs etc did not have much bearing. 

 I was seriously thinking of giving Jazmine to Martin figuring city life would not suit her. She always loved to run in the dog park, and have open space.  Contrary to my thinking she loves it here, she wants to be walked 24/7 so she can check stuff out, people everywhere, dogs scents everywhere, and the game she like to play “Is that dog or human urine I am smelling?”

 I then went to this local 24 hour diner, and had a great breakfast, apparently come 3 am the place has a line around the corner, which I have to believe is true.  I know that after drinking all night, stopping there for a greasy burger would be like heaven.  The food was great, and being a block away, I have a funny feeling I will be eating there quite a bit. 

 Friday night/Saturday was the season’s first snowfall, maybe an inch, with nothing really on the roads, except north sides.  I figured I would go find the park because Jazmine loves to play in the snow.  As I walk towards the park, which is only 2 blocks away, I start scoping a place where I can let Jazmine run of leash and play in the snow.  I then notice 20 dogs doing just the same thing.  It is not a city dog park area, but everyone comes and let their dogs play here, so it was pretty sweet, Jazmine is loving life. 

 I knew prior to moving down to Denver that it would be a good change, but I really love the change.  Though the allure of alcohol is higher since it is everywhere around me, and well how else does one in their 30’s meet new people? 

 I started Sunday along the same lines heading to the park to let Jazmine get her exercise.  While I am there I start talking to a guy, who invites me out for bloody Mary’s with his friends.  A little background Cheesman Park which is the park I go to is considered the “gay” park, rumor has it a lot of homosexual activity goes on within its confines.  This fact pops through my head as he mentions going for drinks, but given I know NO ONE in Denver, I can not pas up an opportunity to get out. 

 I go downtown to blow, and they will not allow me to, why? I don’t have a picture ID, this has never been an issue before, after begging and pleading with the woman, we come to an agreement, but I am not allowed to blow. I then head out to meet with m new friend, and start thinking that I am going to show up no one will be there and I will be stuck watching football alone being stood up.  I figure this will not be a big boost to my low self esteem, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

  I show up, and get carded, no drinks for me.  He is there with 3 other friends one of whom is a very cute girl (which I totally have to ask about the next time I see him) and we play some pool.  We leave and head to another bar, which he claims has the best Bloody Mary’s in town, I get carded again, pull out the sob story, and get served.  We ended up hanging out for awhile and it was a great time. 

 The issue that always crept within my mind was, is this guy gay, or just very friendly?  There were times when I am sure he was straight and other times I wasn’t so sure.  Does this matter?  No, but we ended up making plans gain, and being that I have no social skills it felt very gay.  Let me explain though, I have terrible skills making plans with guys this is why 90% of my friends are women. Even to this day making plans with Skippy who I have known since I was 10 still feels odd, and sort of gay.  Saying “Hey want to hang out tonight?” to another guy just feels odd to me.  Like I said I have no social skills. 

 This is also why I have so few friends because I can talk to random people and get a conversation going, but once it comes to the point where phone numbers or making plans enters, I crash.  I can not cross that threshold so it never continues on, and this is true for both men and women.  If it’s with a guy, I think asking to hang out will come off as a come on.  With a girl I figure the same thing when a lot of time its not, I am not interested in her but she is cool.  In both scenarios I freeze, and nothing comes from the chance meeting.  I apparently missed the class in grade school where they taught social norms.

 This is clearly why 90% of my friends and girlfriends have come from the internet, a place where you do not have to face the issue of rejection in the same terms.  A place where you can hide a behind the screen, and where nothing is real.  Perfect example: there is a girl I met back in the spring we hung out a bit but nothing happened for a few reasons.  She lives here in Denver, I started emailing her again in the past few weeks, and everything is fine.  I do though put myself out a lot more than when we do see each other.  When we actually have hung out I am almost paralyzed with fear of saying the wrong thing, offending etc which is totally not my usual mindset.  I am sure there are other mental issues which go into that other than the safety of the emailing format.  I will delve into those once I have health insurance again, and can go to a proper shrink.