On the fields of Antenry

December 2000

Once upon a time, in a country far, far away… I was living in Ireland, and on my travels back to the US, I stopped in Edinburgh for a week. At this point I had lost my wallet, was down to about 100 sterling, no credit cards, or ID, but I did have a ticket to see Glasgow Celtic play. Being the intelligent, and responsible person I am, I contemplate I can either eat for the week, or just have a great time at the game. So, I live off loafs of bread, to save for bear money for the big day, also a little effort got me a overnight bus ride to London for my return flight THUS saving me a nights accommodation. So, the day of the match comes, I take the train out to Glasgow, and start heading towards the stadium at 9 am, for a 4 pm match, this will only lead to a great day. At this point, EVERY pub is completely packed, got to love the Scottish! I end up making my way into the pub, and meet a couple of guys, and next thing we are doing shots of a nasty concoction which I can only explain as cough syrup. It tasted, and looked the part, and packed quite a wallop for the pound that it cost. We are drinking, and being merry while singing, and well being drunk. A mere 6 hours later we all start piling out of the pubs to go to the stadium, the scene was fantastic, this was a “meaningless” game, nothing special but the game was sold out, 90% of the stadium wearing green and white, with a little quarantined section for Aberdeen fans. For those who think sports are crazy in the US you need to go experience games outside of the states. This little Aberdeen fan section is lined on all 4 sides by police, mind you, Aberdeen and Celtic are not rivals. To draw a comparison this is the equivalent of the Red Sox, playing the Dodgers, no one really cares; it is a game, not a rivalry. It’s a wild spectacle, and I would describe more, if I could for the life of my remember anything. I remember sitting in the nosebleeds, wasted, going absolutely NUTS! I do remember swinging a scarf over my head while screaming at the top of my lungs… yes I was the ugly, drunken American. I am sure I was a lot of fun to watch though, and I made it out alive so it is all good. After, the game what is there to do? Yes, DRINK. So, I head out to another pub, and meet up with a couple of guys, we are drinking and head to another pub. At this point I have spent maybe 12 hours in Glasgow EVER, 4 of which I was sober, and doing the tourist thing, the rest was on this faithful day. So, we go into another pub, and proceed to drink heavily. I look at the time, and its 12 midnight, I run out of the pub O.J. Simpson style bolting drunkenly across the city, trying to find the train station! Now, being a guy, I can’t ask for directions since that would a) make sense b) take too long since running around aimlessly is fast. Eventually I get to the train station trying to catch the last train, which has to be about 1 am right? Looking at the DIGITAL clock I recognize, it is not midnight, its 10 pm, apparently this night I would not have passed a field sobriety test if they gave me a watch and asked me the time. At his point I figure, I can go try to find the pub again, or just call it a night, I did the smart thing, and I head back to Edinburgh. I hope on the train, which is deserted except for two cute girls, now I am bad at picking up women, but now imagine me reeking of alcohol, sweat, and slurred speech trying to sweet talk to girls; it was comical that I am sure. I get back to town, and stumble to the hostile I am staying in, and go to the living room. Now, being the social drunk I am, I start talking to EVERYONE in the room. Everything is going great; they might have realized I was a little drunk, or very drunk. So, a cute Aussie girl mentions she is going to the movie room. I have been staying in this place for 4 days; I just learned there is a MOVIE ROOM!?!?! I head down with her, and the room was quite cool. The room consists of big screen TV and 15 couches, no windows, the perfect movie room, plus an extensive collection of movies. I am sitting on a couch, and she is on another beside me, and I feel someone touching my arm. I look and she is gently touching my arm. I would love to blame this on the alcohol, in reality I am just a moron. I move my arm, and there is the touching again, I now move my arm onto the arm rest, and again touching. So, I move my hand to my lap, makes complete sense right? A few minutes pass, and she says “I look tired” now being the drunkard that I am I am thinking I am getting kicked out of a pub or something so I reply with “no, I am sound.” This goes on 4 or 5 times until…yes light hits me I begin to put two and two together, the touching the “your tired you should go to bed” I think this girl is into me. So, I finally agree, where she gets up, and leaves, I head out a few minutes later (hostels are rumor mills after all ;) She is waiting in the hall, asks me what room I am staying in, and says she will meet me there in 10 I got to my room, and I now have a ROOMMATE! I stayed in the hostile for a week, and only one night do I have someone else in the rom. So, I try to figure out how to handle this, he is not in the room currently, and I have NO CLUE who he is, so finding him and giving him a heads up is not possible. I move to the bunk below him thinking if I hang a sheet, he won’t be able to se anything right? Ok, I am drunken idiot. The girl comes up one thing leads to another…. And the roommate enters. He being far more intelligent than I recognizes what is going on turns off the light apologizes and says he will be back in an hour. He returns, we are not done, he apologizes grabs his showering gear to give us another 20 minutes… he returns, and we are not done. He says he has got to get some sleep, and hopes onto the bunk. Now, my mind is wondering how long do I have to wait before getting back to the task at hand… yes I am an ass. I wait about 5 minutes. Now, being that I was young, and had not been with a women inn a few months… I was in rare form. We end up going to bed around 3am; she awakes around 5 for another round, and then leaves. The roommate hops down moments later, and unleashes a series of insults and swears, in a kiwi wit. Apparently, he was flying back today, and was trying to sleep all night, but with the giggling, and the rickety bed, it was impossible. So, the poor bastard had to endure hours of listening to a drunken yank whisper sweet nothings into a girls ear. Looking back I almost feel sorry, but it was a good day for me.