Friday, April 22, 2011
Who loves "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"?
Those who are fans of the show, yes they do make the "dick towel" and its pretty awesome. They even came up with a witty website named... www.dicktowel.com.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Thumb
First
Ok so its been over a year I have neglected my blog. There is a lot that has gone on, but given I do not have the desire to write it all now. I will give a very brief synopsis and a story. Basically since my last posting I have moved, gone back to jail, met a girl, lost the girl (there were a few) but found another girl. Had a few brilliant ideas, and had some really stupid ones. i also quit my job, and I am currently searching for a new one.
The Thumb
I hated my previous job, more accurately I despised the company. Every Monday I dreaded going in for another week of dealing with their disorganization, and their general treatment or the employees. I awoke one Monday morning in late February with this same feeling of contempt. I started getting dressed for the 15 mile bike ride in when I started debating the merits of calling in sick. Though my sanity is important, I decided to go to work, I work my 8 hours and leave.
As many know I ride a track bike, and I had recently changed to one sided clipless pedals, and the bike had bullhorn handlebars at the time. This all brilliantly played into a visit to the ER. I am stopped at a red light about 3 miles from home, its a warm afternoon, and the light turns green. I start across the intersection clip in and begin to accelerate, when my foot slides off the pedal, I drop down catching my thigh on the cross bar, and before I can recover the handlebars turn, and I go up and over the handlebars. I am sitting in the intersection feeling like an ass, sort of laughing as I get up, and walk to the corner to access the damage. My left hand is bleeding, bike is fine, only my ego is really hurt.
I continue my ride home inspecting my thumb which is mashed, but don’t think too much of it, until a mile later when I notice my left leg is covered in blood. At this point I realize this is pretty bad, and the second I stop pedaling it was going to start throbbing. I get home, and call my girlfriend asking her to pick up some “large band aids” and if I could take one of her pain killers (she has prescription due to screws in her leg) I get off the phone take a pill, a shot of whiskey, a beer, and start looking at the damage. I dress the wound with gauze hoping after a few minutes I will et a better look at the wound after it dries out.
After 15 minutes I remove the gauze, to find a piece of gravel in the cut (very common side effect of road rash) I proceed to clean it out with a Q-Tip. Being a keen observer I noticed it is extraordinarily painful to touch the gravel, mental note: that is bone. I rewrap the wound and start thinking I should see a doctor. Ten minutes later the door opens, and my girlfriend is home after leaving work early thinking I might be in worse shape than I let on. We go to emergency care, who take some x-rays, wrap the wound and send us to the ER. 5 hours and 15 stitches later I am home, with a prescription for antibiotics, and pain killers.
When I fell my thumb was on the end of the bull horn of the handlebars, so though I was going 3-4 MPH all my weight came down on my left thumb. As it hit the ground, the tip of my thumb stopped but the rest of my body kept moving a little further. I basically peeled the tip of my thumb back like peeling and orange. I fractured it in 2 places between the knuckle ad the tip. All this force landed on my thumb nail, causing it to pop off, and beneath the nail is where it was cut. So, long story short I had stitches going across my nail bed and down one side of my thumb. A few days later I went to the hand surgeon, who added a few more stitches, and stitched on an acrylic nail which would keep a gap for the new nail to come through.
It is now 6 or so weeks later, and my thumb is fine, the nail is growing back in, which right now looks as though it will be forever a deformed thumb nail but time will tell.
Ok so its been over a year I have neglected my blog. There is a lot that has gone on, but given I do not have the desire to write it all now. I will give a very brief synopsis and a story. Basically since my last posting I have moved, gone back to jail, met a girl, lost the girl (there were a few) but found another girl. Had a few brilliant ideas, and had some really stupid ones. i also quit my job, and I am currently searching for a new one.
The Thumb
I hated my previous job, more accurately I despised the company. Every Monday I dreaded going in for another week of dealing with their disorganization, and their general treatment or the employees. I awoke one Monday morning in late February with this same feeling of contempt. I started getting dressed for the 15 mile bike ride in when I started debating the merits of calling in sick. Though my sanity is important, I decided to go to work, I work my 8 hours and leave.
As many know I ride a track bike, and I had recently changed to one sided clipless pedals, and the bike had bullhorn handlebars at the time. This all brilliantly played into a visit to the ER. I am stopped at a red light about 3 miles from home, its a warm afternoon, and the light turns green. I start across the intersection clip in and begin to accelerate, when my foot slides off the pedal, I drop down catching my thigh on the cross bar, and before I can recover the handlebars turn, and I go up and over the handlebars. I am sitting in the intersection feeling like an ass, sort of laughing as I get up, and walk to the corner to access the damage. My left hand is bleeding, bike is fine, only my ego is really hurt.
I continue my ride home inspecting my thumb which is mashed, but don’t think too much of it, until a mile later when I notice my left leg is covered in blood. At this point I realize this is pretty bad, and the second I stop pedaling it was going to start throbbing. I get home, and call my girlfriend asking her to pick up some “large band aids” and if I could take one of her pain killers (she has prescription due to screws in her leg) I get off the phone take a pill, a shot of whiskey, a beer, and start looking at the damage. I dress the wound with gauze hoping after a few minutes I will et a better look at the wound after it dries out.
After 15 minutes I remove the gauze, to find a piece of gravel in the cut (very common side effect of road rash) I proceed to clean it out with a Q-Tip. Being a keen observer I noticed it is extraordinarily painful to touch the gravel, mental note: that is bone. I rewrap the wound and start thinking I should see a doctor. Ten minutes later the door opens, and my girlfriend is home after leaving work early thinking I might be in worse shape than I let on. We go to emergency care, who take some x-rays, wrap the wound and send us to the ER. 5 hours and 15 stitches later I am home, with a prescription for antibiotics, and pain killers.
When I fell my thumb was on the end of the bull horn of the handlebars, so though I was going 3-4 MPH all my weight came down on my left thumb. As it hit the ground, the tip of my thumb stopped but the rest of my body kept moving a little further. I basically peeled the tip of my thumb back like peeling and orange. I fractured it in 2 places between the knuckle ad the tip. All this force landed on my thumb nail, causing it to pop off, and beneath the nail is where it was cut. So, long story short I had stitches going across my nail bed and down one side of my thumb. A few days later I went to the hand surgeon, who added a few more stitches, and stitched on an acrylic nail which would keep a gap for the new nail to come through.
It is now 6 or so weeks later, and my thumb is fine, the nail is growing back in, which right now looks as though it will be forever a deformed thumb nail but time will tell.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Random thoughts
28 November 2009
Denver
It has been a year since I moved to Denver (the 25th actually). Overall it has been good, aside from all the stuff i have been working through, which I would of had to work through regardless of where I was living. It has been trying, but one of these days I will figure it all out, and then get hit by a bus.
PS3
I bought a Playstation 3, in an attempt to help stay sober, which it has helped. The issue was that my computer monitor/TV was too small I had to move the couch all the way up the the desk in order to play any games... enter the new HDTV. As a little plug I got a 28” HDTV/Computer monitor for $270, if you are looking for a new monitor let me know i will tell you all about it. Since I don’t watch enough TV to constitute owning one, having one that does both has always been great my previous one was a 19“. Not to mention playing with CAD on a 28” monitor that is 12“ in from of you is GLORIOUS.
Work
Its still there, it is going well, but slowing down. Feeling a touch sketch about if I will have a job after the new year. They did fire one person who had worked there for 20+ years, but that was due to negligence. He is a frail 65 year old man, who does not have a bank account. He is afraid to lose it with Y2K... yes it has been explained that nothing happened, and that the threat was 9 years ago. He was an odd man, always high... I mean ALWAYS. When he walked into the shop in the morning you would get a contact high by talking to him. his job for the last 8 or so years was to sand. 8 hours a day, 5 days a week 52 weeks a year he would sand. I think I would be high all the time if that was my job, but over the last 3 months he just completely gave up, smoking pot in the shop thinking no one would notice, did I mention he was a strange little man? It was sad to see him go, but no one was surprised, it was a matter of time.
On a different note it has been over a year I have been working here, and I am finally feeling comfortable around my co workers, that is messed up. i spend more time with them then anyone else and it took a year to get comfortable. It has actually gotten to the point where I might call a couple acquaintances. I would toy with the notion of asking them to hang out, but not quite there yet.
and down the rabbit hole
As touched upon earlier over the last year been struggling with my relationship with alcohol, the fact I am clueless what I am doing with my life, and more recently the Asperger information. Which the PS3 has not helped since it has helped keep me inside not interacting with the world. This combined with many other factors has really brought me to isolate my self even further.
Thanksgiving brought this even more to the forefront when I had no plans, I spent the day watching movies, playing video games. A few people called but I had my phone on silent (which I always do now a days) but even if I heard it ring I would not have answered. I only listened to the voice mails after having to click past the little reminder every time I went to the phone for anything else. I had no intention of calling any of them back, and still have not.
The only time I have ANY desire to socialize is when I take the Ritalin for my ADHD. On the weekends I generally forget, because I do not have a routine like during the week. Which when I take it I want to socialize, but then recognize I have no friends, making me withdraw, and in about two years buying a log cabin in Lincoln Montana.
The irony of technology
I recently got a new Blu-ray DVD player (PS3), and a high definition television. Yes I finally joined the main stream, strangely I still do not have cable or digital rabbit ears. I am watching a movie, astounded by the picture quality, and the DVD skips, sticks, and freezes, and basically annoys me to tears. I pop out the DVD wipe it down, and go through the FBI warning find the chapter FF halfway through to find the part, and resume. Everything is going fine until 10 mins later does the same thing.
It perplexes me all the time and effort put into getting this great picture quality but yet when it all goes down I want to throw it all out the window.. You would have thought that maybe they could put a touch more effort in making a less finicky DVD. Obviously the DVD is not damaged but something the naked eye can not see can upset the functioning so much is sort of weird. Apparently the dust I could not see or a finger print is the swine flu of the DVD experience.
Probation
Saying it is getting old is an understatement, the classes are nearing the end, but seriously they make me want to hang myself. If it wasn’t for the fact I only have 8 weeks left I think I would just stop going. My PO and I are at each others throats because I am sick of this, and want to get off monitoring etc. She does not like the fact I ask her to do something, not just take my money.
This is what KILLS me....
I was in class the other night, and someone is telling a story. “Joe” is on probation etc, no license, and on drug charges. His brother (“Mike”) has a warrant out for his arrest for something... So, Mike gets pulled over, and obviously can’t say who he is because of the warrant, tells the officer he is “Joe” and says i am on probation and I don’t have a license, yet he is driving. He tells the officer he is driving home his drunk girlfriend (also in car) because she was too drunk to drive. The officer lets him goes, and calls his probation officer..... wait for it.... to COMMEND him for doing a good dead by not letting his girlfriend drive drunk, even though he was driving without a license (which was revoked). His PO gave him a pat on the back, while saying don’t let me hear again you were driving.
This is just one of MANY stories I hear weekly, yet I have never had a hot UA or BA, and I have to stay on monitoring. People in the class and hear what I have to pay for fines, monitoring the 64 weeks of classes and they pity me. They are on 3rd count drug possession charges, or dealing charges, not weed which is basically legal here, but crack, meth, and cocaine. When they hear that while they have to pay $500 in fines I have to pay $9500 they laugh. They submit hot UA’s and get a “don’t do that again” from their PO.
I know I screwed up, but at this point the fines, classes etc are completely discounted in my mind from the crime. I do not associate all these headaches with drinking and driving, which is messed up. If I were to drink and drive again, and get arrested I would post bond, and run plain and simple not even a second thought. This is not how people should think this probably why there are so many people go to jail, and end up back inside after few months or years. This is not even touching the saying “3 hots, and a cot” because jumping through the hurdles, paying all the fines, etc is a lot tougher than sitting in jail. In all seriousness if I was down and out, facing homelessness I would totally want into a bank with a note “saying give me all of the money or I will shoot you”. I wouldn’t even have a gun because I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, or even get away with the robbery.
Last bit of the rant
A coworker spent time in prison, 3 years, and jumped the hoops, and is off parole and doing great. He was telling me how guys would be getting released and they wouldn’t say “good bye forever” they would say to the guards and inmates “see you in a few months.” They would get out, have no job, no prospects, and would visit family friends, party for a few months until they got busted for something new, or violation of parole. Even in Boulder County Jail everyone knew each other, a new guy would come in and half the people knew him and the would catch up... “oh how is Jim doing? He’s over in Medium security got 6 months“ with a reply of ”really, shit man my brother is other there for year“.
I have actually been toying with joining some sort of advocacy group because the system is just plain screwed up. I am not saying I should not have been punished, or that I know a better way, but I just know this does not work. It will scare 10% of the population straight people who have something to lose, a husband with children. the college kid who has family to support him etc but to people who don’t have anything to lose crime is an easy way out.
I apologize that went longer than expected.... needless to say I get worked up when I think about it.
Pictures
I am posting new pictures for the slideshow above so keep an eye out, there are some of stuff from work, my Lincoln logs for community service. Oh and of me, I went back to the loving arms of a mohawk.
Denver
It has been a year since I moved to Denver (the 25th actually). Overall it has been good, aside from all the stuff i have been working through, which I would of had to work through regardless of where I was living. It has been trying, but one of these days I will figure it all out, and then get hit by a bus.
PS3
I bought a Playstation 3, in an attempt to help stay sober, which it has helped. The issue was that my computer monitor/TV was too small I had to move the couch all the way up the the desk in order to play any games... enter the new HDTV. As a little plug I got a 28” HDTV/Computer monitor for $270, if you are looking for a new monitor let me know i will tell you all about it. Since I don’t watch enough TV to constitute owning one, having one that does both has always been great my previous one was a 19“. Not to mention playing with CAD on a 28” monitor that is 12“ in from of you is GLORIOUS.
Work
Its still there, it is going well, but slowing down. Feeling a touch sketch about if I will have a job after the new year. They did fire one person who had worked there for 20+ years, but that was due to negligence. He is a frail 65 year old man, who does not have a bank account. He is afraid to lose it with Y2K... yes it has been explained that nothing happened, and that the threat was 9 years ago. He was an odd man, always high... I mean ALWAYS. When he walked into the shop in the morning you would get a contact high by talking to him. his job for the last 8 or so years was to sand. 8 hours a day, 5 days a week 52 weeks a year he would sand. I think I would be high all the time if that was my job, but over the last 3 months he just completely gave up, smoking pot in the shop thinking no one would notice, did I mention he was a strange little man? It was sad to see him go, but no one was surprised, it was a matter of time.
On a different note it has been over a year I have been working here, and I am finally feeling comfortable around my co workers, that is messed up. i spend more time with them then anyone else and it took a year to get comfortable. It has actually gotten to the point where I might call a couple acquaintances. I would toy with the notion of asking them to hang out, but not quite there yet.
and down the rabbit hole
As touched upon earlier over the last year been struggling with my relationship with alcohol, the fact I am clueless what I am doing with my life, and more recently the Asperger information. Which the PS3 has not helped since it has helped keep me inside not interacting with the world. This combined with many other factors has really brought me to isolate my self even further.
Thanksgiving brought this even more to the forefront when I had no plans, I spent the day watching movies, playing video games. A few people called but I had my phone on silent (which I always do now a days) but even if I heard it ring I would not have answered. I only listened to the voice mails after having to click past the little reminder every time I went to the phone for anything else. I had no intention of calling any of them back, and still have not.
The only time I have ANY desire to socialize is when I take the Ritalin for my ADHD. On the weekends I generally forget, because I do not have a routine like during the week. Which when I take it I want to socialize, but then recognize I have no friends, making me withdraw, and in about two years buying a log cabin in Lincoln Montana.
The irony of technology
I recently got a new Blu-ray DVD player (PS3), and a high definition television. Yes I finally joined the main stream, strangely I still do not have cable or digital rabbit ears. I am watching a movie, astounded by the picture quality, and the DVD skips, sticks, and freezes, and basically annoys me to tears. I pop out the DVD wipe it down, and go through the FBI warning find the chapter FF halfway through to find the part, and resume. Everything is going fine until 10 mins later does the same thing.
It perplexes me all the time and effort put into getting this great picture quality but yet when it all goes down I want to throw it all out the window.. You would have thought that maybe they could put a touch more effort in making a less finicky DVD. Obviously the DVD is not damaged but something the naked eye can not see can upset the functioning so much is sort of weird. Apparently the dust I could not see or a finger print is the swine flu of the DVD experience.
Probation
Saying it is getting old is an understatement, the classes are nearing the end, but seriously they make me want to hang myself. If it wasn’t for the fact I only have 8 weeks left I think I would just stop going. My PO and I are at each others throats because I am sick of this, and want to get off monitoring etc. She does not like the fact I ask her to do something, not just take my money.
This is what KILLS me....
I was in class the other night, and someone is telling a story. “Joe” is on probation etc, no license, and on drug charges. His brother (“Mike”) has a warrant out for his arrest for something... So, Mike gets pulled over, and obviously can’t say who he is because of the warrant, tells the officer he is “Joe” and says i am on probation and I don’t have a license, yet he is driving. He tells the officer he is driving home his drunk girlfriend (also in car) because she was too drunk to drive. The officer lets him goes, and calls his probation officer..... wait for it.... to COMMEND him for doing a good dead by not letting his girlfriend drive drunk, even though he was driving without a license (which was revoked). His PO gave him a pat on the back, while saying don’t let me hear again you were driving.
This is just one of MANY stories I hear weekly, yet I have never had a hot UA or BA, and I have to stay on monitoring. People in the class and hear what I have to pay for fines, monitoring the 64 weeks of classes and they pity me. They are on 3rd count drug possession charges, or dealing charges, not weed which is basically legal here, but crack, meth, and cocaine. When they hear that while they have to pay $500 in fines I have to pay $9500 they laugh. They submit hot UA’s and get a “don’t do that again” from their PO.
I know I screwed up, but at this point the fines, classes etc are completely discounted in my mind from the crime. I do not associate all these headaches with drinking and driving, which is messed up. If I were to drink and drive again, and get arrested I would post bond, and run plain and simple not even a second thought. This is not how people should think this probably why there are so many people go to jail, and end up back inside after few months or years. This is not even touching the saying “3 hots, and a cot” because jumping through the hurdles, paying all the fines, etc is a lot tougher than sitting in jail. In all seriousness if I was down and out, facing homelessness I would totally want into a bank with a note “saying give me all of the money or I will shoot you”. I wouldn’t even have a gun because I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, or even get away with the robbery.
Last bit of the rant
A coworker spent time in prison, 3 years, and jumped the hoops, and is off parole and doing great. He was telling me how guys would be getting released and they wouldn’t say “good bye forever” they would say to the guards and inmates “see you in a few months.” They would get out, have no job, no prospects, and would visit family friends, party for a few months until they got busted for something new, or violation of parole. Even in Boulder County Jail everyone knew each other, a new guy would come in and half the people knew him and the would catch up... “oh how is Jim doing? He’s over in Medium security got 6 months“ with a reply of ”really, shit man my brother is other there for year“.
I have actually been toying with joining some sort of advocacy group because the system is just plain screwed up. I am not saying I should not have been punished, or that I know a better way, but I just know this does not work. It will scare 10% of the population straight people who have something to lose, a husband with children. the college kid who has family to support him etc but to people who don’t have anything to lose crime is an easy way out.
I apologize that went longer than expected.... needless to say I get worked up when I think about it.
Pictures
I am posting new pictures for the slideshow above so keep an eye out, there are some of stuff from work, my Lincoln logs for community service. Oh and of me, I went back to the loving arms of a mohawk.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
another thought
25 October 2009
For those of you late to the program start a few postings back, to have some sense of continuity.
I was walking the dog, and going through one of my routes which I do not conscientiously decide, but sort of follow (routine) and something perplexed me. I want to leave Denver because it feels like home. The routine of work, and the apartment and my life here scares the shit out of me. Though the routine of watching every episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is incredibly soothing. The aggravation of having to blow everyday was soothing, it was part of my routine. Now that I have to call in the morning to find out if I have to blow bothers me.. The days I do have to blow I feel out of sorts a bit, not because going to blow interferes with my life in the least, except I have to take a different route home. I should be happy for the saved money, and not having to deal with it everyday but that routine was comforting.
My father worked the same job for 30+ years lived in the same home for 37? years this frightens me! Though spending the routine of leaving the house at 420 am and taking the same exact route to work is soothing for me. When I get into work I have a little routine I go through, change, punch in blow my nose wash my hands, calculate my hours from the previous day, and subtract to figure out how many more hours I need to work, and figure out what time I want to punch out for that day, and then put certain things in certain places and start the day... this in some sense comforts me. Yet I want to move away with some unexplainable urge because the overall routine is frightening.
I can not understand this... I can recognize it, but not begin to understand.
For those of you late to the program start a few postings back, to have some sense of continuity.
I was walking the dog, and going through one of my routes which I do not conscientiously decide, but sort of follow (routine) and something perplexed me. I want to leave Denver because it feels like home. The routine of work, and the apartment and my life here scares the shit out of me. Though the routine of watching every episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is incredibly soothing. The aggravation of having to blow everyday was soothing, it was part of my routine. Now that I have to call in the morning to find out if I have to blow bothers me.. The days I do have to blow I feel out of sorts a bit, not because going to blow interferes with my life in the least, except I have to take a different route home. I should be happy for the saved money, and not having to deal with it everyday but that routine was comforting.
My father worked the same job for 30+ years lived in the same home for 37? years this frightens me! Though spending the routine of leaving the house at 420 am and taking the same exact route to work is soothing for me. When I get into work I have a little routine I go through, change, punch in blow my nose wash my hands, calculate my hours from the previous day, and subtract to figure out how many more hours I need to work, and figure out what time I want to punch out for that day, and then put certain things in certain places and start the day... this in some sense comforts me. Yet I want to move away with some unexplainable urge because the overall routine is frightening.
I can not understand this... I can recognize it, but not begin to understand.
The great pond phase, and others
25 October 2009
Here is a link to the aforementioned article that Skippy’s mom has mentioned 11 months ago. I have read it a few times usually getting bored, for feeling like a retard with his references to things I do not know. I just re-read it yet again, this time suffering through his script to find many instances where he and I parallel.
To this date I can still remember the square root of 18,562 is 136.24243098 repeating. I do not now why I learned this I had a strange fascination with the number. Or how I loved chemistry and math, but biology bored me to tears. I recently read that people with Aspergers are drawn to technology, and every day I am amazed by our computers, and phones.
I found it very interesting his love for classical music because I myself listened to it for a number of yours as another phase of mine but Dvorack’s 9th “From the new world” still nearly brings me to tears. I do not know how or why but I connect to that piece of music more than I do with members of my family. I can still remember going to see the Boston Philharmonic for the first time to see it played. I remember many details, Benjamin Zander was the Conductor I would almost put money given a seating chart I could find my seat, but of my date I remember she was blonde (we dated for about 4 months, I think she had a kid too).
I also got enthralled in literature for a spell mostly the writings of the beatniks, Bourroughs being my favorite, also his sons books “Speed and Kentucky Ham”. I would stay up all night reading and writing while drinking “Slush Puppies” from the gas station on the NW corner of Old Post Road and route 1. I would buy two at a time keeping one in the fridge. Remembering these things is easy for me I could describe my room even now with pinpoint precision, but I could not tell you what my sisters were doing or details of their lives of the time. Even today I would have a tough time telling you their age, though I am pretty sure I know their birth dates, my mom’s I do not know except it is near Christmas.
I have lived in Colorado for nearly 3 years and still do not have a single friend. They come and go, but even at 31 my phone has but 20 phone numbers in it, mostly places to order take out from, or family. I lived in MA for 28 years, and would say have but maybe 3 friends. I think this is why alcohol has always been an issue for it was the only time I felt some what like a belonged, but it was a narrow window I quickly passed into a state of being too drunk. My only true friends I can count on a single hand and still have room, and one of them is a dog.
To this day 9/11 still has no real effect on me. I remember the day, but it just sort of seemed like an “oh that sucks” scenario. I would have cracked jokes except I could understand that it was too early. I remember the day of the Challenger explosion which was on my birthday, and the first thing I uttered was “maybe they put a missile on it instead of a rocket”. Which makes no sense but I think it shows my inability to show compassion. For years when I would be forced to go to a wake when going up to say your respects I would simply think “better you than me” . Much like Tim Paige I feel like my memoirs would be entitled “Sorry Everyone” .
Since reading more about the infliction I still do not know what to do with the information, in terms of how to change. I just want to buy a T-shirt with a disclaimer explaining I have no sense of social cues or norms. I to this day freak out in grocery stores, because I do not know when I should say “excuse me” and when I have been rude etc. This is why I buy everything online (amongst other reasons). I am a creature of routine, if I am not out the door at 3:55 am to walk Jazmine on a work day I get tense and feel as though I should just call in sick because the day is ruined. I can work any hours I want no one cares if I am there at 430 or 1030, but I feel rushed and well unable to cope to some degree if I miss my little routine times I have in my head.
The more I read about the condition the more hopeless I actually end up feeling though it does help explain things to me, it makes me feel even more out of sync with the world around me. Mostly because it is in fact incurable, and the only real treatment is therapy to help you recognize your issues and to work on them. I wish there was a pill that would simply make me “normal” because i feel all too comfortable sitting inside watching the same shows over and over, or designing great pieces of furniture in my head that I will never build.
Here is a link to the aforementioned article that Skippy’s mom has mentioned 11 months ago. I have read it a few times usually getting bored, for feeling like a retard with his references to things I do not know. I just re-read it yet again, this time suffering through his script to find many instances where he and I parallel.
To this date I can still remember the square root of 18,562 is 136.24243098 repeating. I do not now why I learned this I had a strange fascination with the number. Or how I loved chemistry and math, but biology bored me to tears. I recently read that people with Aspergers are drawn to technology, and every day I am amazed by our computers, and phones.
I found it very interesting his love for classical music because I myself listened to it for a number of yours as another phase of mine but Dvorack’s 9th “From the new world” still nearly brings me to tears. I do not know how or why but I connect to that piece of music more than I do with members of my family. I can still remember going to see the Boston Philharmonic for the first time to see it played. I remember many details, Benjamin Zander was the Conductor I would almost put money given a seating chart I could find my seat, but of my date I remember she was blonde (we dated for about 4 months, I think she had a kid too).
I also got enthralled in literature for a spell mostly the writings of the beatniks, Bourroughs being my favorite, also his sons books “Speed and Kentucky Ham”. I would stay up all night reading and writing while drinking “Slush Puppies” from the gas station on the NW corner of Old Post Road and route 1. I would buy two at a time keeping one in the fridge. Remembering these things is easy for me I could describe my room even now with pinpoint precision, but I could not tell you what my sisters were doing or details of their lives of the time. Even today I would have a tough time telling you their age, though I am pretty sure I know their birth dates, my mom’s I do not know except it is near Christmas.
I have lived in Colorado for nearly 3 years and still do not have a single friend. They come and go, but even at 31 my phone has but 20 phone numbers in it, mostly places to order take out from, or family. I lived in MA for 28 years, and would say have but maybe 3 friends. I think this is why alcohol has always been an issue for it was the only time I felt some what like a belonged, but it was a narrow window I quickly passed into a state of being too drunk. My only true friends I can count on a single hand and still have room, and one of them is a dog.
To this day 9/11 still has no real effect on me. I remember the day, but it just sort of seemed like an “oh that sucks” scenario. I would have cracked jokes except I could understand that it was too early. I remember the day of the Challenger explosion which was on my birthday, and the first thing I uttered was “maybe they put a missile on it instead of a rocket”. Which makes no sense but I think it shows my inability to show compassion. For years when I would be forced to go to a wake when going up to say your respects I would simply think “better you than me” . Much like Tim Paige I feel like my memoirs would be entitled “Sorry Everyone” .
Since reading more about the infliction I still do not know what to do with the information, in terms of how to change. I just want to buy a T-shirt with a disclaimer explaining I have no sense of social cues or norms. I to this day freak out in grocery stores, because I do not know when I should say “excuse me” and when I have been rude etc. This is why I buy everything online (amongst other reasons). I am a creature of routine, if I am not out the door at 3:55 am to walk Jazmine on a work day I get tense and feel as though I should just call in sick because the day is ruined. I can work any hours I want no one cares if I am there at 430 or 1030, but I feel rushed and well unable to cope to some degree if I miss my little routine times I have in my head.
The more I read about the condition the more hopeless I actually end up feeling though it does help explain things to me, it makes me feel even more out of sync with the world around me. Mostly because it is in fact incurable, and the only real treatment is therapy to help you recognize your issues and to work on them. I wish there was a pill that would simply make me “normal” because i feel all too comfortable sitting inside watching the same shows over and over, or designing great pieces of furniture in my head that I will never build.
One year since my release
25 October 2009
Aspergers
It has been mentioned before, and I have dismissed the notion for a number of reasons (much like my ADHD) but I am coming to the conclusion I just might have Aspergers Syndrome. A few people had mentioned this possibility earlier, and I read information, and sort of discounted the notion. Over the past few weeks I have come across quite a few articles (randomly in the paper not looking it up) and have come to the conclusion it does explain a number of things.
I remember my sister Anne always commenting on my “phases” where I would get sucked into one subject matter and immerse myself in it, and move on to another subject and delve in with the same manner. I think anyone who knows me can think of a few of such instances without much difficulty.
I have always joked that I am socially retarded, but I really am. This is why at age 31 I have a handful of friends, and not one to whom I truly feel connected. Also explains why I have such difficulty cultivating new friends, which there are a number of things which run through my head when I meet people but I have difficulty really clicking.
The past few months in DUI therapy we have been talking about family and relationships. During class we would talk abut whatever and our assignment would be to do whatever stupid thing, but every week would would have to explain a relationship, and whats good about t etc, and all mine were with my dog, ha ha. So a few weeks ago the instructor finally starts calling me out saying I must have other relationships etc, which I do but none I either wish to discuss or that would come to mind, so she asks everyone in the class if they think this is true etc. All of whom, who I have had class with for the past 6 months said “I don’t know him well enough to comment”. I thought this funny since a basic guess would be that we have sent 50 hours together over the last months, and all anyone knew of me was I love to ride my bike, I am an alcoholic and I have a dog, but not her name.
Through the years I have had trouble sticking to a job, or a line of work for that matter which is a symptom of Aspergers. This has actually been getting better, but only since I started Ritalin which I think has just made my time at work move faster in a manner which has made it more enjoyable. Which again is a sign of the syndrome.
Moving
I am seriously considering moving again, I have a PO meeting later in the week, which I can get the info on when I can plan on having the ability to move out of the state. I am not sure if this could be filed under the Aspergers conversation but I just feel that Denver has lost its... excitement, its just “home”. I just feel sort of bored, and with nothing keeping me here (family, friends, work) I figure I should explore the country bit more. As of now I am looking at the following cities in this order
- NYC
- Seattle
- Philly
- Portland, OR
- Chicago
The other mentionable benefit would be that I do have a friend in NYC, and I would be close enough to my
family where I could visit if I were so inclined. I still do have a few friends I keep in touch with in MA whom I
could see which would be nice.
Community Service
I have begun working off some of my community service hours, for the “Toys for Tots” program. I am making
sets of “Lincoln Logs” to donate. Though the last few weeks have been tough to get time in on them due to illness, and trying to make up some of the missed time I am hoping to get my hours in and done within the next month.
could see which would be nice.
Community Service
I have begun working off some of my community service hours, for the “Toys for Tots” program. I am making
sets of “Lincoln Logs” to donate. Though the last few weeks have been tough to get time in on them due to illness, and trying to make up some of the missed time I am hoping to get my hours in and done within the next month.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
I am still alive
17 October 2009
The Flu
Yes I am still alive, which is a matter of myself not writing in quite a while, and after getting over a week long bought of the flu. The last 4 days I have been sleeping 18+ hours, between naps and actual nightly sleep. The last couple of days I have finally been feeling like a human being once again.
Community Service
I started working on my community service for Toys for Tots, I am making lincoln logs the classic all American toy. I have been working my extra hours at work on them, well not this past week since I missed 4 days.
Probation
I have a meeting with my officer this Friday, which will be just about a year since getting out of jail, which logic and paperwork says I can be off monitoring, but my PO works on neither, but on money so I will still be in he same position as I am now.
Broads
There are none... yeah.
Jazmine
She is doing wonderful, she has been a champ this past week. I had no energy so a block walk to Walgreens twice a day for juice, and NyQuil was a struggle. She is the best pup ever.
The Flu
Yes I am still alive, which is a matter of myself not writing in quite a while, and after getting over a week long bought of the flu. The last 4 days I have been sleeping 18+ hours, between naps and actual nightly sleep. The last couple of days I have finally been feeling like a human being once again.
Community Service
I started working on my community service for Toys for Tots, I am making lincoln logs the classic all American toy. I have been working my extra hours at work on them, well not this past week since I missed 4 days.
Probation
I have a meeting with my officer this Friday, which will be just about a year since getting out of jail, which logic and paperwork says I can be off monitoring, but my PO works on neither, but on money so I will still be in he same position as I am now.
Broads
There are none... yeah.
Jazmine
She is doing wonderful, she has been a champ this past week. I had no energy so a block walk to Walgreens twice a day for juice, and NyQuil was a struggle. She is the best pup ever.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Thank science for Ritalin
9 August 2009
I actually have a lot too write but have been very busy, and have had trouble getting tim to sit down and write. It has been 3 weeks since I have begun my Ritalin treatment, and it has been the best thing I have ever done..
Work:
I actually look at the clock now and think “its been 10 hours, I should get going” as opposed to previously looking at the clock and thinking “its been 10 minutes since I got here, only 470 more minutes to go”. I was not sure what to expect with the drugs, I thought it would be a case of a horse with blinders on, meaning you would get super focused on what was directly in front of you. What I have found is it just settles my thoughts, down so I am not changing gears every 30 seconds.
I can actually multitask task now, aside from writing and listening to the radio, I can have multiple things going on at work, and keep track of them, going from one to another as time permits. Which sounds more along the line of not having focus, but I can put something in glue, go do something else, come back, an hour later, glue something else, and continue working while previously I would almost watch the glue dry, because i would not be able to run two tasks at once.
On top of all this I worked overtime this week, AND worked on the end tables I started some 6 months ago. I actually enjoy my work now, I usually leave because I need to get to Jazmine who has been locked inside all day more than an actual need or desire to go home. I also have designed a coffee table which, is very difficult to explain, but looking online I found some wonderful wood for the top. The top I am looking to get a burl (which has a ton of figure) and natural edges (either with or without bark) so the top will be completely random as opposed to a rectangle top.
Social:
I am a lot more social since being on Ritalin which over the last few weekends has been great. I am usually out every day/night hanging out with people, doing anything I can, I just have a desire to be around people, and to talk. Which has come to rave reviews of everyone I would normally see.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
An explanation
26 July 2009
Today I am answering viewers mail, which consists of the only person who reads my blog.
Guess I missed something here. Glad it seems to help you focus.?
Who suggested, and then prescribed, Ritalin for you???
The suggestion came from multiple sources, one from Phoenix months ago, Marie, and others. They all seemed to think I had ADHD, and should look into treatment. I just figured it was me, and went along for the ride. I finally scheduled a meeting with a shrink, and discussed it, and she agreed I suffer from ADHD and prescribed the Ritalin??How long have you been on it? How often is it monitored???
I have been on it since Thursday, and people I see often have already noted a HUGE difference in me. I have noticed I am much more social talking to random people, actually having conversations as opposed to grunts.. I also have this huge desire to hang out with people, asking people to do things, if they want to hang out, talk, which I would never normally have done. I will be writing a blog this week about the past weekend which will show MANY instances where I would have been afraid, uncomfortable, too insecure to have taken part in the past. With the medication all these instances turned out being great experiences either simply talking to people or experiencing life as opposed to watching from the sidelines.
In terms of monitoring, I meet with the doctor in two months (provided I am having no issues requiring earlier counsel) and after that it will be once a year phone call or meeting.
This has truly been life changing for me, it literally feels as though a switch was turned on where previously I lived in darkness. Again, I will explain better later in the week.
Today I am answering viewers mail, which consists of the only person who reads my blog.
Guess I missed something here. Glad it seems to help you focus.?
Who suggested, and then prescribed, Ritalin for you???
The suggestion came from multiple sources, one from Phoenix months ago, Marie, and others. They all seemed to think I had ADHD, and should look into treatment. I just figured it was me, and went along for the ride. I finally scheduled a meeting with a shrink, and discussed it, and she agreed I suffer from ADHD and prescribed the Ritalin??How long have you been on it? How often is it monitored???
I have been on it since Thursday, and people I see often have already noted a HUGE difference in me. I have noticed I am much more social talking to random people, actually having conversations as opposed to grunts.. I also have this huge desire to hang out with people, asking people to do things, if they want to hang out, talk, which I would never normally have done. I will be writing a blog this week about the past weekend which will show MANY instances where I would have been afraid, uncomfortable, too insecure to have taken part in the past. With the medication all these instances turned out being great experiences either simply talking to people or experiencing life as opposed to watching from the sidelines.
In terms of monitoring, I meet with the doctor in two months (provided I am having no issues requiring earlier counsel) and after that it will be once a year phone call or meeting.
This has truly been life changing for me, it literally feels as though a switch was turned on where previously I lived in darkness. Again, I will explain better later in the week.
Friday, July 24, 2009
John loves his drugs
24 July 2009
Like the title says, I love my Ritalin, how I never went before is beyond me. When I was a kid Ritalin was the craze everyone was put on it as some sort of attempt to control children. I abstained in some sort of rebellion, not quite but partly due to laziness, partly due to my will to be “stronger” I never went to the doctor. I have always gone with the notion that at some point in the not to distant pass people did not rush to doctors every time something was not right, and the human race managed to survive. I finally thought I would go, and wish I had much sooner.
True this is only the second day, but work again was great, I actually focus and remember all those little steps I usually forget. My project is coming out great, and though I seem to be moving faster it is in a more controlled deliberate manner. I spend less time killing time and staring at the clock, and more time getting things done, life is good.
Another random effect of the drug which I am not 100% sure is the drug or a bi-product of the drug but its easier to talk to random people. I started chatting up a random woman at the bus stop today which I would never normally. While walking the dog I got into conversations with random people for no reason, it seems that it has lowered my self conscienceness or maybe boosts my self confidence, not sure but it is a good thing.
Probation meeting
Today I had my PO meeting which was super fast, and almost too easy. Went in with a ton of paper work, my monthly report which was perfect no missed classes, no violations, all good. I thought I would hit an issue with the Ritalin, but she copied my paperwork and said fine. I am sure my next meeting she will ask why my UA was positive for Meth, but I will just have to remind her of my prescription, I also got my BA’s lowered to 8 a month (from 12) which is not a big deal, but its a step in the right direction.
Like the title says, I love my Ritalin, how I never went before is beyond me. When I was a kid Ritalin was the craze everyone was put on it as some sort of attempt to control children. I abstained in some sort of rebellion, not quite but partly due to laziness, partly due to my will to be “stronger” I never went to the doctor. I have always gone with the notion that at some point in the not to distant pass people did not rush to doctors every time something was not right, and the human race managed to survive. I finally thought I would go, and wish I had much sooner.
True this is only the second day, but work again was great, I actually focus and remember all those little steps I usually forget. My project is coming out great, and though I seem to be moving faster it is in a more controlled deliberate manner. I spend less time killing time and staring at the clock, and more time getting things done, life is good.
Another random effect of the drug which I am not 100% sure is the drug or a bi-product of the drug but its easier to talk to random people. I started chatting up a random woman at the bus stop today which I would never normally. While walking the dog I got into conversations with random people for no reason, it seems that it has lowered my self conscienceness or maybe boosts my self confidence, not sure but it is a good thing.
Probation meeting
Today I had my PO meeting which was super fast, and almost too easy. Went in with a ton of paper work, my monthly report which was perfect no missed classes, no violations, all good. I thought I would hit an issue with the Ritalin, but she copied my paperwork and said fine. I am sure my next meeting she will ask why my UA was positive for Meth, but I will just have to remind her of my prescription, I also got my BA’s lowered to 8 a month (from 12) which is not a big deal, but its a step in the right direction.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
John is on drugs
23 July 2009
Lovers of the movie “Office Space” will remember while in the hypnotists office the main character mentions that every day is the worst day of his life, and every time you see him, you are seeing him on the worst day of his life. I have actually felt this way for much of my life, with boughts of happiness thrown in.
Recently I was out with a friend and I asked how would they spend their ideal day off, and they explained what they would do etc. Afterwards they turned the question asking what was your best day. I started thinking and i feel that every day is the best day. I actually feel as though each day is slightly “better” than the previous, which is not to say that I have not had a bad day. Recently even the bad days are not that bad, time passes and really the only bad part of the day is work..
I enjoy my work, but not the company. The guys I work with are great, but the mentality of the management, and the lack of communication I have issues with. I find out everything via the rumor mill, as does everyone.. Instead of sitting people down, and saying “we are slowing down” and discussing why, or how to reverse or new ideas, they write a note on a board by the clock saying “No overtime, no exceptions”.
i have always enjoyed the design process, creating, studying, and coming up with cool designs that function well. The furniture projects that have come through are all turned into kitchen cabinets with legs attached. Night stands weight 100 pounds and have huge 3“ legs looking like they are offspring of a brontosaurus more than a well crafted piece of furniture. This has also brought me to the conclusion I need to get into design which, I have no clue how to do, meaning the transition. At my present company it would never happen, so I am thinking I might go to school, and take some drafting classes because though I can draw full scale furniture on paper, we were never taught how to use Auto cad or any computerized drafting.
John is on drugs
Ritalin to be exact. I finally called the doctors, and after completing a questionnaire of theirs asking a multitude of questions I received a phone call, to set up an appointment. I met with the doctor yesterday, and after talking for 45 minutes she prescribed medication. The strange part is she gives a little speech about how meth (Ritalin) is a controlled substance so getting the prescription filled is a process. Then basically tells me to figure out my own dosage. I am clearly over simplifying it, but try a pill, and then try two, and try 2 etc. After a week call or email her telling her want I found works, and she will submit a prescription to those directions. In two months I meet back with her to make sure everything is alright no issues with side effects etc, and then a yearly phone call to make sure all is well.
The first day...
It is really too early to tell, I had a great day at work, did not notice any really effects. I noticed I am a bit more diligent, not talking to people as much. I am not sure how much of that is truly the drugs or me just having a good day, or placebo effect, time will tell. The drugs are slightly helping since I can actually type and listen to music at the same time, which I have not been able to do in a few years. Its strange but the music would distract me enough to not be able to finish any thoughts. I would have to turn the music off and write the email or blog.
I have to wonder...
Today I was walking Jazmine the wonder mutt and there is a police officer on a bike writing a ticket to two homeless folks drinking from a paper sack. I was perplexed because he watched them finish it up (while he is writing the ticket) and makes one of them put the empty bottle in a dumpster, and hands them the ticket for open alcohol container. They have no ID’s, and no address’ explain the thought process of writing the ticket please.
Lovers of the movie “Office Space” will remember while in the hypnotists office the main character mentions that every day is the worst day of his life, and every time you see him, you are seeing him on the worst day of his life. I have actually felt this way for much of my life, with boughts of happiness thrown in.
Recently I was out with a friend and I asked how would they spend their ideal day off, and they explained what they would do etc. Afterwards they turned the question asking what was your best day. I started thinking and i feel that every day is the best day. I actually feel as though each day is slightly “better” than the previous, which is not to say that I have not had a bad day. Recently even the bad days are not that bad, time passes and really the only bad part of the day is work..
I enjoy my work, but not the company. The guys I work with are great, but the mentality of the management, and the lack of communication I have issues with. I find out everything via the rumor mill, as does everyone.. Instead of sitting people down, and saying “we are slowing down” and discussing why, or how to reverse or new ideas, they write a note on a board by the clock saying “No overtime, no exceptions”.
i have always enjoyed the design process, creating, studying, and coming up with cool designs that function well. The furniture projects that have come through are all turned into kitchen cabinets with legs attached. Night stands weight 100 pounds and have huge 3“ legs looking like they are offspring of a brontosaurus more than a well crafted piece of furniture. This has also brought me to the conclusion I need to get into design which, I have no clue how to do, meaning the transition. At my present company it would never happen, so I am thinking I might go to school, and take some drafting classes because though I can draw full scale furniture on paper, we were never taught how to use Auto cad or any computerized drafting.
John is on drugs
Ritalin to be exact. I finally called the doctors, and after completing a questionnaire of theirs asking a multitude of questions I received a phone call, to set up an appointment. I met with the doctor yesterday, and after talking for 45 minutes she prescribed medication. The strange part is she gives a little speech about how meth (Ritalin) is a controlled substance so getting the prescription filled is a process. Then basically tells me to figure out my own dosage. I am clearly over simplifying it, but try a pill, and then try two, and try 2 etc. After a week call or email her telling her want I found works, and she will submit a prescription to those directions. In two months I meet back with her to make sure everything is alright no issues with side effects etc, and then a yearly phone call to make sure all is well.
The first day...
It is really too early to tell, I had a great day at work, did not notice any really effects. I noticed I am a bit more diligent, not talking to people as much. I am not sure how much of that is truly the drugs or me just having a good day, or placebo effect, time will tell. The drugs are slightly helping since I can actually type and listen to music at the same time, which I have not been able to do in a few years. Its strange but the music would distract me enough to not be able to finish any thoughts. I would have to turn the music off and write the email or blog.
I have to wonder...
Today I was walking Jazmine the wonder mutt and there is a police officer on a bike writing a ticket to two homeless folks drinking from a paper sack. I was perplexed because he watched them finish it up (while he is writing the ticket) and makes one of them put the empty bottle in a dumpster, and hands them the ticket for open alcohol container. They have no ID’s, and no address’ explain the thought process of writing the ticket please.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
and down the rabbit hole I tumble
11 July 2009
Stuff to do...
I used to wonder why girls I dated always had things going on, this night this, that night that, meanwhile I was always available. I realized it these past few weeks... sobriety. Their lives suck so they keep themselves really busy. I always had my 2 full time jobs to keep me busy, but one of them I could do things while on the job. On an average week I would spend a minimum of 30 hours drinking, meaning drink 3 was clocking in, until I passed out or consciously choosing to go to bed.
All this free time has given me plenty of time to think, and well find the end of the internet... yes folks there is an end, and its not pretty. The end is when you literally have to conjure up absurd things to google for no other reason than cheap laughs. We have all been there at some point but after 30 nights you truly reach the end. This got me into thinking what the F*CK am I going to do with this free time? I started jogging mostly for Jazmine who I can never wear out. I also take her to the dog park, which now she actually crashes with a goofy smile as opposed to sleeping due to boredom more than exhaustion.
Activities:
1. Indoor Soccer: I looked into a month or so ago, and decided that it wasn’t for me. I have always been drawn to soccer but I am beyond helpless, I stink to put it very lightly. I was kicking a ball around a few weeks ago, and standing 10 feet from someone no running involved had trouble doing a decent pass, birds were laughing at e saying “look at the foolish white boy”. All this said why not? Like with everything else in life, we all pretty much suck until we put some energy into pursuing it, very few are given an uncanny natural ability without some work. I guess its a bit of the old dog new tricks, as though at 31 I should stick with what I know, which has always been drinking.
I have been in contact with a place and should start playing in the beginners league come October, which should be a lot of fun. This also gives me some time to learn how to play again. Plus a little practice time kicking a ball might be in order.
2. Lacrosse: I played for a few years back in high school and college , and actually had some great skills towards than end of my time at Norwich. Again throwing aside the fact I am too old, I am going to give it another try. I have been looking into both for sometime, and both basically work the same way, and you can play all year long, in a number of leagues. I actually could have played tomorrow if I had gear, but all I have are a few ticks back in MA which the old man is mailing to me this week. I might be able to play next weekend. Once I get the sticks I am going to have to spend sometime throwing the ball against the wall again, I am 17 again.
3. Fly fishing: I tried when I was in high school, never had any luck, but with all the rivers, and streams at my disposal here in Colorado I would be crazy not to give it another try. Plus with how my work schedule is I get out at 1-2 p.m. going and fishing for a few hours in the heat of the day seems like fun. Plus who knows maybe can catch myself something to cook.
It could have been me
I co-worker got fired, and the story is very poignant for me on multiple levels. To begin with, I am likely to get laid off soon unless things pick up at work. I was the last one hired so I will be the first one fired. More so is apparently the story is (I do not know any concrete facts... its all heresy) that after living in a halfway house for a year he got out, and went on a bender only to be heard from a week and a half later from the hospital. I knew a bit of his legal troubles, and knew he was in a half way house. While living there you can not drink (BA’s every time you come in from the outside world) and you have to keep a job. What I did not know is he used to come to work drunk, fallen down drunk, walking into stationary objects drunk, empty 5th found in his bag drunk.
He was a good guy, I knew none of his drinking problem until recently. With his being let go, it lets me stay for longer which is good but still feel for the guy. Also makes me think, I have never been to the point of skipping work to drink, or drinking at work. When I was younger I drank at work, it was a restaurant, and well the boss drank with us, and being 18 it seemed awesome. I would never have now, or at previous jobs in the last 10 years, BUT who is to say I was not just a nudge away from that point?
Stuff to do...
I used to wonder why girls I dated always had things going on, this night this, that night that, meanwhile I was always available. I realized it these past few weeks... sobriety. Their lives suck so they keep themselves really busy. I always had my 2 full time jobs to keep me busy, but one of them I could do things while on the job. On an average week I would spend a minimum of 30 hours drinking, meaning drink 3 was clocking in, until I passed out or consciously choosing to go to bed.
All this free time has given me plenty of time to think, and well find the end of the internet... yes folks there is an end, and its not pretty. The end is when you literally have to conjure up absurd things to google for no other reason than cheap laughs. We have all been there at some point but after 30 nights you truly reach the end. This got me into thinking what the F*CK am I going to do with this free time? I started jogging mostly for Jazmine who I can never wear out. I also take her to the dog park, which now she actually crashes with a goofy smile as opposed to sleeping due to boredom more than exhaustion.
Activities:
1. Indoor Soccer: I looked into a month or so ago, and decided that it wasn’t for me. I have always been drawn to soccer but I am beyond helpless, I stink to put it very lightly. I was kicking a ball around a few weeks ago, and standing 10 feet from someone no running involved had trouble doing a decent pass, birds were laughing at e saying “look at the foolish white boy”. All this said why not? Like with everything else in life, we all pretty much suck until we put some energy into pursuing it, very few are given an uncanny natural ability without some work. I guess its a bit of the old dog new tricks, as though at 31 I should stick with what I know, which has always been drinking.
I have been in contact with a place and should start playing in the beginners league come October, which should be a lot of fun. This also gives me some time to learn how to play again. Plus a little practice time kicking a ball might be in order.
2. Lacrosse: I played for a few years back in high school and college , and actually had some great skills towards than end of my time at Norwich. Again throwing aside the fact I am too old, I am going to give it another try. I have been looking into both for sometime, and both basically work the same way, and you can play all year long, in a number of leagues. I actually could have played tomorrow if I had gear, but all I have are a few ticks back in MA which the old man is mailing to me this week. I might be able to play next weekend. Once I get the sticks I am going to have to spend sometime throwing the ball against the wall again, I am 17 again.
3. Fly fishing: I tried when I was in high school, never had any luck, but with all the rivers, and streams at my disposal here in Colorado I would be crazy not to give it another try. Plus with how my work schedule is I get out at 1-2 p.m. going and fishing for a few hours in the heat of the day seems like fun. Plus who knows maybe can catch myself something to cook.
It could have been me
I co-worker got fired, and the story is very poignant for me on multiple levels. To begin with, I am likely to get laid off soon unless things pick up at work. I was the last one hired so I will be the first one fired. More so is apparently the story is (I do not know any concrete facts... its all heresy) that after living in a halfway house for a year he got out, and went on a bender only to be heard from a week and a half later from the hospital. I knew a bit of his legal troubles, and knew he was in a half way house. While living there you can not drink (BA’s every time you come in from the outside world) and you have to keep a job. What I did not know is he used to come to work drunk, fallen down drunk, walking into stationary objects drunk, empty 5th found in his bag drunk.
He was a good guy, I knew none of his drinking problem until recently. With his being let go, it lets me stay for longer which is good but still feel for the guy. Also makes me think, I have never been to the point of skipping work to drink, or drinking at work. When I was younger I drank at work, it was a restaurant, and well the boss drank with us, and being 18 it seemed awesome. I would never have now, or at previous jobs in the last 10 years, BUT who is to say I was not just a nudge away from that point?
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
MS 150, and the weekend news
2 July 2009
The ride
I have gone through my life never really feeling any connection to my surroundings. I spent nearly 30 years in MA, of all the people I met I keep in contact with 10(?) have had 2 visitors (this includes family) these are not statistics of a popular or well loved individual. Colorado has been much of the same which I have grown to enjoy. In the past couple of years I have had times where my social calender was full, and I had plans everyday. These tend to be short stints because friendship takes energy, and it tough to find people willing to put in the effort, or are worth the effort. This is why I want to thank everyone who helped make the ride possible either through contributions, emails wishing me luck or watching Mrs. Nuegeburger.
Well, I ended up making it to the ride, and completed it without incident. The distance I was never concerned about, but I managed to find myself in some snappy pace lines and riding 22+ mph for the vast majority of the ride, this was the surprise. The ride was very well run, plenty of food, excellent weather, and great support. Overall I rode 193+ miles in the two days, with an average speed of just under 20 mph. I met some great people and began to recognize who is great in my life here in Denver. It is amazing to see who steps up when you need help be it either in contributions or watching the dog.
Random note
I was hooking up with a girl a few months back and she taught me that its not the quantity its the quality. She still texts me though we haven’t seen each other in well over a month. She does not text with purpose, or reason, she texts to here herself “talk”. I will not respond, she stills texts, she does not ask if i got the previous text or if I am there. She also re-enforced something I had learned previously, the more a woman talks about sex (prior to having it with you) the worse she is in bed. How can a woman be bad in bed you might ask? If you have to ask you are A) a woman B) terrible, sorry t break the news to you.
Slush Puppies
I have loved Slush Puppies since I was a kid, I remember walking across the park to Edmund’s to get them when I was young. In high school I went to the Exxon station and would get 2, one for now and one for the fridge for later. Colorado with its many short comings has yet another, they do not have the drink of the gods, and no one knows what it is, which is just sad. I have been looking online and have come to a revelation I need to buy a Slush Puppie machine, attach it to my bike, and drive around town selling the sweet sweet nectar to the sad souls of Colorado. This is the latest variation of the ice cream bike idea I had a month ago, this equally brilliant, or maybe even better. All I know is on a hot Saturday after noon riding the bike to the top of Lookout mountain and setting up shop I would make a killing! I want to get a midget on board to serve them as a ride, A) to help facilitate sales while traveling through downtown B) midgets are awesome! The midget would serve much like the monkey of the peanut vendors of old, only cooler.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
What¹s the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.
To celebrate the passing of Michael Jackson I thought some truly tasteless jokes were n order, and with the wonders of the internet here are the top 8 jokes 30 seconds of time and google can come up with... enjoy.
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date? A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? A: Because there are twenty of them.
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect “10″? A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A: From a catalogue.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?? A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs? A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q: Did you know they’re putting out a Michael Jackson stamp? A: Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.
Q: What’s brown and often found in a baby’s diaper? A: Michael Jackson’s hand.
25 June 2009
I don’t know why but the passing of MJ goes by like anyones death... better them than me. I just find it strange that here is a man who played the judicial system better than OJ and people are sad he died? I was never a fan of his music, though I do recall doing the one glove thing at some point. Honestly though he bought his way through the system, and molested children, and people are somber and sad to see his passing? If only Hitler had come out with a few top 40 hits before the genocide of an entire race maybe Naziism would have survived. I think people really are happy to see him dead, and are afraid to say anything because it is wrong to be happy at ones demise. People die thats what we do, it may be tomorrow or 40 years from now, but at some point we will all be worm food, except for Christians because don’t they put their caskets in concrete? They will just dry rot. The amazing thing is MJ died at 50 and Mick Jagger is like 120 and still alive, now there is a dude who is cheating death. My new theory is Mick Jagger offered death Ed, Farrah, and MJ to let him live another year... go ahead try to prove me wrong.
Those of you who know my old man, his is a gentle soul, but I remember one time I think I was 16? we were eating dinner and I posed the question if you could kill 1 person and get away with it, no investigation nothing, just one freebie with no repercussions who would it be? I thought my father would do the grown up, that is a terrible thing to think about etc. No, he says ”I only get one?“. These days I don’t have the hate I did back then, I think I would have trouble finding one person who I hated to such an extent... maybe I have matured?
In class this week we were discussing how one deals with stress. When it came to me, I don’t stress about anything, because I really don’t care. The discussion went into when I was in jail, and some people complained they hated it due to all that ran through their minds was what the ”should“ have done, and I would be lying if I said I did not thin maybe a cab would have been a good idea. The fact of the matter, is you can’t change the past, you can learn from it, but we all screw up... and I screw up A LOT. I figure at this point why stress, and this is my lesson to all of you. Don’t stress the small stuff tomorrow is another day, life has a habit of passing us by so why waste it worrying?
To celebrate the passing of Michael Jackson I thought some truly tasteless jokes were n order, and with the wonders of the internet here are the top 8 jokes 30 seconds of time and google can come up with... enjoy.
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date? A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds? A: Because there are twenty of them.
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect “10″? A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A: From a catalogue.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?? A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs? A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q: Did you know they’re putting out a Michael Jackson stamp? A: Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.
Q: What’s brown and often found in a baby’s diaper? A: Michael Jackson’s hand.
25 June 2009
I don’t know why but the passing of MJ goes by like anyones death... better them than me. I just find it strange that here is a man who played the judicial system better than OJ and people are sad he died? I was never a fan of his music, though I do recall doing the one glove thing at some point. Honestly though he bought his way through the system, and molested children, and people are somber and sad to see his passing? If only Hitler had come out with a few top 40 hits before the genocide of an entire race maybe Naziism would have survived. I think people really are happy to see him dead, and are afraid to say anything because it is wrong to be happy at ones demise. People die thats what we do, it may be tomorrow or 40 years from now, but at some point we will all be worm food, except for Christians because don’t they put their caskets in concrete? They will just dry rot. The amazing thing is MJ died at 50 and Mick Jagger is like 120 and still alive, now there is a dude who is cheating death. My new theory is Mick Jagger offered death Ed, Farrah, and MJ to let him live another year... go ahead try to prove me wrong.
Those of you who know my old man, his is a gentle soul, but I remember one time I think I was 16? we were eating dinner and I posed the question if you could kill 1 person and get away with it, no investigation nothing, just one freebie with no repercussions who would it be? I thought my father would do the grown up, that is a terrible thing to think about etc. No, he says ”I only get one?“. These days I don’t have the hate I did back then, I think I would have trouble finding one person who I hated to such an extent... maybe I have matured?
In class this week we were discussing how one deals with stress. When it came to me, I don’t stress about anything, because I really don’t care. The discussion went into when I was in jail, and some people complained they hated it due to all that ran through their minds was what the ”should“ have done, and I would be lying if I said I did not thin maybe a cab would have been a good idea. The fact of the matter, is you can’t change the past, you can learn from it, but we all screw up... and I screw up A LOT. I figure at this point why stress, and this is my lesson to all of you. Don’t stress the small stuff tomorrow is another day, life has a habit of passing us by so why waste it worrying?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
An adult life
24 June 2009
Sadly my life has become just this, being an adult. I should probably say it more as amazingly though it is a touch disappointing. I have been doing all those things you have have been doing for years and years, paying bills, cleaning, laundry and basically maintaining you life in a decent fashion. This is all new for me, and though has only been going on for a month it is already boring to me. It seems the disarray, chaos then surrounded my life during my drinking days somehow filled a void, or made me feel as though my life was busy, or exciting when it was not. Without that confusion, the sad reality has shone itself quite vividly.
I have been cooking and cleaning, paying bills on time, working, and being responsible. I somewhat feel like I deserved a prize for doing what I was unable to do at any other point in my life, but yet all of you have done since the age of 18. While the I suppose I do feel better sober, the vacancy where drinking once occupied is more pronounced and like a black hole beginning to crush me.
I have 1000 good things which have resulted from quitting drinking, but yet sometimes I feel like I am just spinning my wheels waiting to die. I think I am having a mid-life crisis.
The gang of gays
I live near Cheesman Park which has always been explained to me as the “gay” park. Google it, I did in an effort to figure out the length of the walk around the park, and found many links discussing the guys who sit in their cars in the park.
Everyday while walking Jazmine I bump into this gang of gay homeless men who seem to walk all around. T date I have been called “darling” delicious“ ”sexy“ ”edible“ and the list continues. I just fin the notion of a tribe of gay men roaming the streets sort of weird. I am thinking of the classic film ”The Warriors“ with the gangs of NY and how they all have their own uniform. I think this gang needs a uniform to go fight the Bloods and Crips. Imagine a gang of men in bright pink leotards brandishing baseball bats, it would be great, and formidable. I think the local chapter of geriatric Guardian Angels would have their hands full.
I was in fact amazed to find that the local Guardian Angel office is around the corner, I see them walking the neighborhood on the weekends and its like watching rerun. Who joins? Who even knew they still existed? This day in age what do they do? Its a neighborhood watch with a bad sense of style.
The MS Ride
Is apparently in a couple of days, I forgot about it, and actually thought t was the end of July, but no its this Saturday. If anyone wants to make last minute donations here is a link http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/COCBikeEvents?px=6518078&pg=personal&fr_id=10973.
I was supposed to have a date this weekend, and I texted to cancel with the excuse I have a bike ride I forgot about seemed really really weak, sad, maybe I should have called.
Sadly my life has become just this, being an adult. I should probably say it more as amazingly though it is a touch disappointing. I have been doing all those things you have have been doing for years and years, paying bills, cleaning, laundry and basically maintaining you life in a decent fashion. This is all new for me, and though has only been going on for a month it is already boring to me. It seems the disarray, chaos then surrounded my life during my drinking days somehow filled a void, or made me feel as though my life was busy, or exciting when it was not. Without that confusion, the sad reality has shone itself quite vividly.
I have been cooking and cleaning, paying bills on time, working, and being responsible. I somewhat feel like I deserved a prize for doing what I was unable to do at any other point in my life, but yet all of you have done since the age of 18. While the I suppose I do feel better sober, the vacancy where drinking once occupied is more pronounced and like a black hole beginning to crush me.
I have 1000 good things which have resulted from quitting drinking, but yet sometimes I feel like I am just spinning my wheels waiting to die. I think I am having a mid-life crisis.
The gang of gays
I live near Cheesman Park which has always been explained to me as the “gay” park. Google it, I did in an effort to figure out the length of the walk around the park, and found many links discussing the guys who sit in their cars in the park.
Everyday while walking Jazmine I bump into this gang of gay homeless men who seem to walk all around. T date I have been called “darling” delicious“ ”sexy“ ”edible“ and the list continues. I just fin the notion of a tribe of gay men roaming the streets sort of weird. I am thinking of the classic film ”The Warriors“ with the gangs of NY and how they all have their own uniform. I think this gang needs a uniform to go fight the Bloods and Crips. Imagine a gang of men in bright pink leotards brandishing baseball bats, it would be great, and formidable. I think the local chapter of geriatric Guardian Angels would have their hands full.
I was in fact amazed to find that the local Guardian Angel office is around the corner, I see them walking the neighborhood on the weekends and its like watching rerun. Who joins? Who even knew they still existed? This day in age what do they do? Its a neighborhood watch with a bad sense of style.
The MS Ride
Is apparently in a couple of days, I forgot about it, and actually thought t was the end of July, but no its this Saturday. If anyone wants to make last minute donations here is a link http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/COCBikeEvents?px=6518078&pg=personal&fr_id=10973.
I was supposed to have a date this weekend, and I texted to cancel with the excuse I have a bike ride I forgot about seemed really really weak, sad, maybe I should have called.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I would like to buy a block of cheese...
9 June 2009
I would like to buy a block of cheese.... No, no, you walk down the street and you say Hey man, What’s happen’
Those of you who are fans of Good Morning Vietnam are scoffing at how badly I destroyed that scene, the rest are bewildered at best. In the scene Robin Williams takes over an English class to get closer to a girl. I felt like one of these students last week.
As part of my sentence I have to attend “Relapse Prevention” class, and last week we were learning how to speak with out the aid of drugs or alcohol. We were literally learning to talk “text book” here is an example.
Normal Conversation:
Person A: The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.
Person B: Dude, there is no genius in 3 assholes running a bar, and being stupid.
Text book talk:
Person A: “The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.”
Person B: “If I understand you correctly, you think the show is brilliant because it makes fun of everything including racism and religion. Is this correct?“
Person A: ”Yes this is what I said“
Person B: ”I disagree, would you care to hear my reasoning?“
I want to kick my own ass for having to sit through that class, and yes folks I pay for this enlightenment. Who talks like that? Being socially retarded maybe I do not know much about conversing, but I have never heard anyone talk in such a manner. This includes those idiots on Dawson’s Creek who speak like an unnamed friend in Africa (cough).
Moving
I have decided once I am off probation which could be as soon as January, but more likely September 2010 I am going to cash in the ”Joy of being single“ card. Yes, I am moving to no where in particular.... why? because I can! I nearly moved prior to my arrest but decided to give Denver a try, but now looking back to the notion. Here are my top thoughts, so I would be interested in what people might vote. Also, if you have info on moving abroad, in terms of visa etc... I am clueless. I went and worked in Ireland illegal, but this time around would need to do it legit.
Places (in no particular order)
*Philadelphia, PA (It is always sunny there)
*NYC (It seems like a place that one should live before dying)
Portland, OR (Just seems cool, and heard good things)
Chicago IL (why not?)
*Italy (Bikes, and chicks is there any other reason to wake up in the morning OH YEAH ESPRESSO!)
*Belgium (Bikes, and Beer... need I say more?)
*Germany (Beer, and some amazing world history)
Japan (Yes, I would bring down the IQ per capita but come on!)
Chile (Amazing whitewater, and mtn biking)
The ones with the handy * are ones where I figure finding work will not be too difficult, I know of quite a few furniture makers in Philly, and NY, Germany, and Belgium are hunches. Considering I change my mind nearly every second who knows where I will be in December, but I have no reason to stay in Denver, or the US for that matter. Anyone know anything about shipping the world’s greatest dog overseas?
I would like to buy a block of cheese.... No, no, you walk down the street and you say Hey man, What’s happen’
Those of you who are fans of Good Morning Vietnam are scoffing at how badly I destroyed that scene, the rest are bewildered at best. In the scene Robin Williams takes over an English class to get closer to a girl. I felt like one of these students last week.
As part of my sentence I have to attend “Relapse Prevention” class, and last week we were learning how to speak with out the aid of drugs or alcohol. We were literally learning to talk “text book” here is an example.
Normal Conversation:
Person A: The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.
Person B: Dude, there is no genius in 3 assholes running a bar, and being stupid.
Text book talk:
Person A: “The brilliance of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia lies in its ability to make fun of everything from racism to god.”
Person B: “If I understand you correctly, you think the show is brilliant because it makes fun of everything including racism and religion. Is this correct?“
Person A: ”Yes this is what I said“
Person B: ”I disagree, would you care to hear my reasoning?“
I want to kick my own ass for having to sit through that class, and yes folks I pay for this enlightenment. Who talks like that? Being socially retarded maybe I do not know much about conversing, but I have never heard anyone talk in such a manner. This includes those idiots on Dawson’s Creek who speak like an unnamed friend in Africa (cough).
Moving
I have decided once I am off probation which could be as soon as January, but more likely September 2010 I am going to cash in the ”Joy of being single“ card. Yes, I am moving to no where in particular.... why? because I can! I nearly moved prior to my arrest but decided to give Denver a try, but now looking back to the notion. Here are my top thoughts, so I would be interested in what people might vote. Also, if you have info on moving abroad, in terms of visa etc... I am clueless. I went and worked in Ireland illegal, but this time around would need to do it legit.
Places (in no particular order)
*Philadelphia, PA (It is always sunny there)
*NYC (It seems like a place that one should live before dying)
Portland, OR (Just seems cool, and heard good things)
Chicago IL (why not?)
*Italy (Bikes, and chicks is there any other reason to wake up in the morning OH YEAH ESPRESSO!)
*Belgium (Bikes, and Beer... need I say more?)
*Germany (Beer, and some amazing world history)
Japan (Yes, I would bring down the IQ per capita but come on!)
Chile (Amazing whitewater, and mtn biking)
The ones with the handy * are ones where I figure finding work will not be too difficult, I know of quite a few furniture makers in Philly, and NY, Germany, and Belgium are hunches. Considering I change my mind nearly every second who knows where I will be in December, but I have no reason to stay in Denver, or the US for that matter. Anyone know anything about shipping the world’s greatest dog overseas?
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Hours to days, days to weeks...
6 May 2009
A ride
I went for a ride with a friend today who races, which felt good. I was dead afterwards, but considering he trains, and has a coach, Meanwhile I hardly ride I was able to keep up, and make him struggle a bit, made me feel as though maybe racing isn’t such a bad idea after all. I am looking to do a training race Thursday which should be interesting, we will see how I manage.
Sobriety
Well I am nearing the 2 month marker ok Thursday (the day of the race) will be two months. I haven’t really had any desire to drink, well none to which I have come close to cracking. I get urges every now and again, but luckily I am easily distracted and forget about them shortly.
Work
Work is going very well, and though it is slowing down, it looks as though we have work until october, then it seems a touch sketchy. Apparently people are a little hesitant on building multi-million dollar vacation homes as of late (go figure) come fall, I might find myself out of a job, since I am the last person hired. time will tell.
The midnight wrap up
That about sums it all up. Time keeps ticking away as it does, and now its June! I did not have to go for BA’s everyday this week which was great, and saves me some money. I have actually been sticking to my budget, which means I actually have money in the bank. Looking back through my records it seems I just spent a lot of little things. A few dollars here, and there not huge things and nothing “extravagant” just maybe a stop at Starbucks etc, and they all add up. That and dating, dating is expensive reason 1001 why I am turning celibate.
A ride
I went for a ride with a friend today who races, which felt good. I was dead afterwards, but considering he trains, and has a coach, Meanwhile I hardly ride I was able to keep up, and make him struggle a bit, made me feel as though maybe racing isn’t such a bad idea after all. I am looking to do a training race Thursday which should be interesting, we will see how I manage.
Sobriety
Well I am nearing the 2 month marker ok Thursday (the day of the race) will be two months. I haven’t really had any desire to drink, well none to which I have come close to cracking. I get urges every now and again, but luckily I am easily distracted and forget about them shortly.
Work
Work is going very well, and though it is slowing down, it looks as though we have work until october, then it seems a touch sketchy. Apparently people are a little hesitant on building multi-million dollar vacation homes as of late (go figure) come fall, I might find myself out of a job, since I am the last person hired. time will tell.
The midnight wrap up
That about sums it all up. Time keeps ticking away as it does, and now its June! I did not have to go for BA’s everyday this week which was great, and saves me some money. I have actually been sticking to my budget, which means I actually have money in the bank. Looking back through my records it seems I just spent a lot of little things. A few dollars here, and there not huge things and nothing “extravagant” just maybe a stop at Starbucks etc, and they all add up. That and dating, dating is expensive reason 1001 why I am turning celibate.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Legal update
30 May 2009
UA’s
Earlier this month I realized that I was called for UA’s )peeing in a cup) 3 times in 20 days, which is mathematically impossible if I am on the once a month program. I went in and talked to them, long story short the woman 6 months ago (my case manager) made a mistake and put me on the wrong program so I was dropping twice a month.
The funny thing is my case manager is an umpa lumpa with the personality of dried cow dung. She mopes around the office, never smiling never showing any life aside from breathing and letting out what I imagine is her specifies mating cal of “umphhh”. She is the type of person if she spontaneously combusted, everyone would look around, and not realize she was gone for 3 weeks.
IT takes two days, but finally everything is cleared up. During this time she never once talked to me directly, we would be in the same room and she would say to someone else “tell him...” meanwhile we are 4 feet apart, and I can hear every word. Its like when you are 5 and are mad at your best friend. I understand people screw up (hence why I have alcohol monitoring to begin with) but she never was said “sorry I screwed up” she starts with a story about how my PO said wanted me on 2 etc. This I call her out n since when I was assigned the color I did not have a PO I had a piece of paper from the court saying 1 UA a month.. She class my PO to “verify” its only once a month and my PO says yes, just like the court ordered paperwork says.
Dilutes
UA’s are a touchy subject with my PO, they have led to many an argument since mine come back diluted because I drink too much water. I have offered giving blood etc but the newest is if I have another dilute I will get (drummer roll please) assigned more UA’s! This is the genius of the judicial system, there is a reason these people are not working for NASA!
The PO Meeting
I missed my meeting 2 weeks ago due to my crash, and not having the money to go to the meeting. My meeting was then changed to yesterday. I felt ok going in though I figured an argument would ensue about the UA’s. I go into the office and the first thing I hear is...
PO: “What did you just give up on your monitoring or want to kill trees?”
She has a stack of sheets from place I go blow, and do classes.
Me: “What are you talking about?”
PO: “I have a stack here saying you haven’t been doing anything”
Me: “I go there everyday, there aren’t any issues.”
She now takes the time read (yes I spoke correctly) the faxes. She yells at me and THEN decides maybe she should read the faxes to see what they say... again there is a reason these people aren’t working in NASA.
Turns out BI double faxed everything so half of them are duplicates and can be tossed. The others are nothing a letter saying I had an excused absence from class (due to the crash) a dilute UA (which we had discussed on the phone 2 weeks prior) a DRS saying I finished one of my classes. Of that stack of papers there was no alarm.
BA’s
The meeting continues she takes my money etc, and I ask to have my breathalyzers lowered since in 6 months have never blown hot, she agrees, and no I only blow 12 times a month instead of every single day. S I call in everyday to see f my colors are called (1 for UA and 1 for BA) if they are I go in and do my thing. This is huge since today is the first day in 6 months I don’t have to go in and blow or pee. Not to mention at $4 dollars a piece, it saves me $80 a month.
It almost appears the end might actually come
The lowered BA’s is huge, combined with the end of next month I will have another class completed saving me another $100 a month. It almost seems like I might get out of this without going back to jail. Hopefully the end of July I can get my BA’s lowered again, and maybe by the 1 year anniversary (September) I will only have some classes to finish up. The only hang up is...
Community Service
This office is filled with the creme ala creme of mental retards. I have called an left messages 6 times... no return call. I have left in each message my new address.... they still mail things to my old address. These people aren’t working at NASA for a reason. Hell these are the people who Wal-mart turned down as greeters, because they could not remember the line “welcome to Wal-mart”. Pictures of these people should be used by the Trojan company to promote safe sex. Finally the best part of these humans ran down their mom’s leg and ended up as a stain on the mattress.
I can not do my community service because the due date has passed, BUT I can not get an extension or assigned more hours etc because they will not o their jobs and get me an extension letter or a letter stating I need to perform more hours.
This is my final stumbling block, that and a MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) panel which I just need to get really drunk and go to one night, ha ha ha. Which I will get that taken care of this month its just a matter of going, and paying money because thats what the whole judicial system comes down to, those who have money pay and aren’t n trouble the poor pay through the nose every spare cent.
Quick note
I am still sober which is... 7 weeks. I have a bunch of other stuff to post, but have been busy so keep posted.
UA’s
Earlier this month I realized that I was called for UA’s )peeing in a cup) 3 times in 20 days, which is mathematically impossible if I am on the once a month program. I went in and talked to them, long story short the woman 6 months ago (my case manager) made a mistake and put me on the wrong program so I was dropping twice a month.
The funny thing is my case manager is an umpa lumpa with the personality of dried cow dung. She mopes around the office, never smiling never showing any life aside from breathing and letting out what I imagine is her specifies mating cal of “umphhh”. She is the type of person if she spontaneously combusted, everyone would look around, and not realize she was gone for 3 weeks.
IT takes two days, but finally everything is cleared up. During this time she never once talked to me directly, we would be in the same room and she would say to someone else “tell him...” meanwhile we are 4 feet apart, and I can hear every word. Its like when you are 5 and are mad at your best friend. I understand people screw up (hence why I have alcohol monitoring to begin with) but she never was said “sorry I screwed up” she starts with a story about how my PO said wanted me on 2 etc. This I call her out n since when I was assigned the color I did not have a PO I had a piece of paper from the court saying 1 UA a month.. She class my PO to “verify” its only once a month and my PO says yes, just like the court ordered paperwork says.
Dilutes
UA’s are a touchy subject with my PO, they have led to many an argument since mine come back diluted because I drink too much water. I have offered giving blood etc but the newest is if I have another dilute I will get (drummer roll please) assigned more UA’s! This is the genius of the judicial system, there is a reason these people are not working for NASA!
The PO Meeting
I missed my meeting 2 weeks ago due to my crash, and not having the money to go to the meeting. My meeting was then changed to yesterday. I felt ok going in though I figured an argument would ensue about the UA’s. I go into the office and the first thing I hear is...
PO: “What did you just give up on your monitoring or want to kill trees?”
She has a stack of sheets from place I go blow, and do classes.
Me: “What are you talking about?”
PO: “I have a stack here saying you haven’t been doing anything”
Me: “I go there everyday, there aren’t any issues.”
She now takes the time read (yes I spoke correctly) the faxes. She yells at me and THEN decides maybe she should read the faxes to see what they say... again there is a reason these people aren’t working in NASA.
Turns out BI double faxed everything so half of them are duplicates and can be tossed. The others are nothing a letter saying I had an excused absence from class (due to the crash) a dilute UA (which we had discussed on the phone 2 weeks prior) a DRS saying I finished one of my classes. Of that stack of papers there was no alarm.
BA’s
The meeting continues she takes my money etc, and I ask to have my breathalyzers lowered since in 6 months have never blown hot, she agrees, and no I only blow 12 times a month instead of every single day. S I call in everyday to see f my colors are called (1 for UA and 1 for BA) if they are I go in and do my thing. This is huge since today is the first day in 6 months I don’t have to go in and blow or pee. Not to mention at $4 dollars a piece, it saves me $80 a month.
It almost appears the end might actually come
The lowered BA’s is huge, combined with the end of next month I will have another class completed saving me another $100 a month. It almost seems like I might get out of this without going back to jail. Hopefully the end of July I can get my BA’s lowered again, and maybe by the 1 year anniversary (September) I will only have some classes to finish up. The only hang up is...
Community Service
This office is filled with the creme ala creme of mental retards. I have called an left messages 6 times... no return call. I have left in each message my new address.... they still mail things to my old address. These people aren’t working at NASA for a reason. Hell these are the people who Wal-mart turned down as greeters, because they could not remember the line “welcome to Wal-mart”. Pictures of these people should be used by the Trojan company to promote safe sex. Finally the best part of these humans ran down their mom’s leg and ended up as a stain on the mattress.
I can not do my community service because the due date has passed, BUT I can not get an extension or assigned more hours etc because they will not o their jobs and get me an extension letter or a letter stating I need to perform more hours.
This is my final stumbling block, that and a MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) panel which I just need to get really drunk and go to one night, ha ha ha. Which I will get that taken care of this month its just a matter of going, and paying money because thats what the whole judicial system comes down to, those who have money pay and aren’t n trouble the poor pay through the nose every spare cent.
Quick note
I am still sober which is... 7 weeks. I have a bunch of other stuff to post, but have been busy so keep posted.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
John fall down go boom
17 May 2009
I went to the library, got my official Denver library card, grabbed a book, it was the beginning to a great Sunday afternoon. As I walked into the library I decided I should sign up for my community service, and there is a place down the street where I know a few people doing their time. I head down broadway cruising along enjoying the scenery.
I was cruising along I would guess 17-18 MPH, I had my hands resting on the handlebars, not gripping them, just resting on top like I usually ride. I hit a pot hole went flying forward catching myself on the handlebars with my stomach, i started to regain control, and went BOOM.
I jumped up, as only I would... laughing. The homeless guy who watched it happen summed it up in one word “ouch”. The first thing I do? inspect Betty! Betty is fine and well, she is a little shaken up, and in need of new handlebar tape but with a little rest she will be fine. I was a couple of blocks from where my friend Brandi was working so I stopped in there to wash up, and inspect my damages.
I get there, and lock up my bike, and people start asking if I am alright, at this point I am starting to think maybe it is worse than I thought. I walk in to see Brandi and her co-workers starting asking if I am alright, Brandi knew exactly what was up, grabbed me some paper towels and led my to the bathroom. I finished cleaning up, when when of her GENIUS co-workers says I should put alcohol on it... they don’t have any (thank you!). Nope they found it... OUCH is one way of putting it... the worse were my arms, but yeah it did not tickle.
As I am finishing up Brandi says I now owe her an ice cream, and her co-workers jump in that I owe all of them ice cream. I agree adding in “except for the one who suggested the alcohol, she doesn’t get ice cream”.
I have road rash under my left eye, a fat lip, a little more rash on my chin, my left shoulder, left leg and both forearms are a little torn up. I am not 100% but I had to of gotten my hands back on the handlebars in time since the palms of my hands are fine. I have scrapes on the backs of my hands which would mean I got them back on in time. I am fine, a little bruised is all the tragedy being now I can’t get tattooed Wednesday since I tore up the area a bit.
After washing up I decided to go home instead of doing the community service thing, I will save that for later in the week.
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